I was reading this book – Don’t sweat the small stuff, rated one of the top self improvement books of all time across all sources around and there are some real nice fragments which caught my eye. I have always been a huge fan of communication and the impact it has on other people.
We have often quoted communication as the meeting of minds, expression of an idea, conveying a thought process as to what we actually feel about something. Sometimes we realize how important it is to speak our mind and some other times we realize how important it is to hold it back in a restraint. It is not that we are trying to mask our thoughts, but sometimes we realize there are far more important things in life.
The above statement goes very well in a scenario of an argument which is slightly on the verge of becoming a fight. I have always wondered as to what the actual reasons for a fight are and turns out that more than 90% of the time, a fight originates since it hurt the opponents ego. It is not about the matter at hand, it is not about the solution either, it is about how you made the other person feel and what message was conveyed – again not what was intended but what was conveyed.
It is natural for all of us to think that we have expressed our minds in a very eloquent manner when it comes to speech but I guess there is many a slip between the cup and the lip – in other words, a lot can change from a thought to delivery. But something that might help at all times is to perhaps realize that the conversation is very important to you and the other person’s understanding of it is a lot more important than that.
I am sure that on a normal course we do encounter situations when we realize that people are blatantly wrong and it is certainly very tempting to correct them. I do understand it, infact I have done it so many times to end up with a small selfish smile and sometimes with a little bit of contempt to say that I AM RIGHT. But then it was much later after the conversation I realized that although I have won the conversation, I have lost the purpose of it! I may have won the battle but it was at a heavier cost of the battle! In other words I have ended up sacrificing the BIG PICTURE for the smaller ones and almost none of them have been of much use to me. It has infact worked against me most times!
Then how to set it right? Well I guess it is in these simple things that the bigger victories of life are hidden. The moment we unlock a few of these treasures, we head out to achieve a few bigger ones and without our knowledge it becomes engrained in us and we start living a life and all of these we learn become an indelible part of us. Perhaps we do lose small in not correcting someone but we certainly do win big in not. For little things don’t mean a lot in life, THEY MEAN EVERYTHING!
How to tell someone they are wrong without hurting them?