What is the first thing you do when you meet someone new? You try to understand who they are, what type of a person they are, whether they are compatible with you or not, whether you should be friends with them or continue talking to them or listen to them or even smile at them. I agree that there are a myriad of thoughts in the mind trying to understand what to do and what not to, not the easiest feeling at all! Basically I guess we all are judging people no matter how much we would like to deny it, no matter how broad-minded we think we are, I guess judgement is a part of our social lives. But again, the extent to which it is prevalent certainly matters a lot. However what
would be a life without judgement, trying to accept people for the good they have and leave it at that? Do you think that can make your life a little better? Well here are a few thoughts which can help aid the process of judgement, nay slow it down to the extent you want it
They are just like you or me!
Well, each person is unique and each person is the same threadbare. Try to identify what is similar between you two instead of trying to identify the differences. I am sure the differences can be a huge lot, but so can the similarities. You got to know that there has to be something that might genuinely interest you, make you want to continue the hunt and try and understand how the other person can become very interesting to you.
Live the moment
One of the challenges with judgement is that we tend to look at it from a futuristic point of view. We start imagining how we can place them in our lives and if they fit in the picture, they are welcome, if not – well, they are not. Open yourself up, welcome them, let them be different, let them be challenging, let it all be temporary or the time being. Let the ones whom you want to be in your life prove themselves worthy of it first. For the rest, keep it simple and think of it as a limited span of time and you have to get the best out of the meeting with them. If they are genuine enough, they will always stay or find a way to stay 🙂
Find out what you can appreciate in them
It is natural that we start comparing them with us, the lifestyle they have, their attitudes, behaviors, outlooks and so on. There is nothing wrong in it. Instead of trying to do a 360 review, try and identify what you can appreciate in them, what excites you about them, what you are amazed by about them, what is so nice about them. That way, you are more curious than judgeMENTAL!
If a person is acting a specific way, there is a reason behind it. You may not like what the person is doing, his actions may be deplorable. But there is a reasoning behind that and that shapes their moment – it can be their history, attitudes, environment, ambiance, the sense of what is right or what is wrong. Look out for the why, become a treasure hunter instead of shunning someone good or bad, you can try and be genuinely curious about them and it changes the whole outlook.
It is who they are, not who you want them to be!
Each person is unique and that is beauty of that person. They all have their special beauties, some of them take time to bring it out but that doesn’t mean it is not there. It just means that you haven’t searched hard enough. We all would love someone similar to us, someone who doesn’t fight or argue with us – basically someone who can think and agree to whatever we say. I agree that it is a nice feeling not to be opposed for our thoughts, to have someone understand and laugh at all our jokes so that we don’t feel offended and so on… But it is never going to be that way, people will be wonderfully different, they not being in the same thought process as you is a given. They are going to oppose you, hurt your ego and sometimes even make you feel bad. But that is not a reflection on you, it is a reflection of their thought and you need not let it affect you.
People have their flaws – Forgive Them!
We all are wrong, some more wrong than the other. I constantly believe that perfection is a very elusive word and it does create a utopia around itself. But Life is going to be different, people are going to be different. Sometimes they are going to be outrightly wrong. So what? It is going to be that way, forgive soon, move on sooner and make it as small a deal as possible.
Everyone responds to their own joys and sorrows.
You may feel bad that someone offended you, someone was not sensitive enough, someone was very rude to you. Well, they might be! Maybe ruder or more irritating than you ever thought. But maybe that is their stock response cos of the history they have gone through. We have no right to judge a person by the limited information we have. If we take the liberty to do that, then we must take the responsibility to look at the circumstances and the emotions that made it happen. We may even be able to understand it! But know that every person responds to what he is going through, not what you are going through. So it is ok, you may try and understand or leave it at that or even feel bad at that. The choice is going to be yours.
I agree, judgement is so much easier. But at the same time, it reduces your quality of life and time. So, why bother, why give someone so much of importance anyway?
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