6 Types of People Who Don’t Deserve Your Stories: Dr. Brene Brown

Carrying forward from our previous post – The 6 types of Peculiar People who advice you, we now present you the 6 types of people who don’t deserve your stories.

You know how comfortable these group chats on Whatsapp are. You just share your story with your friends at once and hear all of them reply quickly. A married friend of mine, a little frustrated, disappointed and aimless on what to do with certain things in her life writes to us. In short, she was sharing the restrictions her in-laws imposed on her.

I didn’t know how to react. I wondered was it right on me to be sympathetic? Should I ask her to let it go? Should I ask her to adjust to them? Or should I ask her to fight back? As I kept thinking on how to react effectively to her, I see 3 to 4 notifications from my friends. One said, “Hmm.” The other said, Oh! I am so sorry for you.” Another said, “Thank god my in-laws are better.” And one more took it to a whole new angle and said, “I am afraid to get married now.”

There I was, shocked, interrupting my thoughts with these replies, “How could these girls react in this manner.” I thought. My friend, for sure wasn’t expecting to hear this from us. And I am very sure these replies didn’t make her feel better.

Haven’t you faced similar kind of situations? When you hear some stories of your friends and you wonder how to tackle it and give them a warm,comforting feeling? We know our friends and yes we also know what comforts them the more. One exact response doesn’t suit for all types of people but avoiding the above kinds of responses does really help in dealing with the situations better.

We have faced certain situations in which we regret sharing certain things with certain people. Maybe because they didn’t bother to give us the comfort we needed but instead ended up making us even more uncomfortable.

Dr.Brene Brown on Oprah’s Show

Here is a beautiful message from Dr. Brené Brown on Oprah’s show, talking about dealing with shameful situations and sharing them with people. Here are the 6 Types of people Dr. Brene says you have to avoid when you share not so happy stories or shameful stories of your life.

6 Types of people who don’t deserve your stories

  1. One who feels shame for you
  2. One who responds with sympathy rather than empathy
  3. One who is disappointed in your imperfections
  4. One who is uncomfortable with your vulnerability
  5. One who refuses to acknowledge your state of emotional feel
  6. One who confuses your connections to opportunities to talk about her

We have these types of people who often pull us down with their responses. It isn’t there mistake and it isn’t ours too. Maybe we weren’t careful enough to observe their offerings of emotional comfort for us. But once we know what these types of people are doing to us, the mistake of going back to them hoping for an emotional comfort wouldn’t seems fairly pointless.

Brene makes a brilliant statement which is the complete solution-

“You share with people who earn the right to hear your story.”

Maybe it’s right.! Whom we choose to share our stories play some role in shaping our stories further.

About Brene Brown:

Brene Brown is an author, very well known for her books The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly which were #1 New York Times Bestsellers. She is a research professor and a public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work.

Read more about her here Brene Brown

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  1. Not many can appreciate the depth in story. People often mix empathy with sympathy. As they say – choose your story, I feel, one should also choose their audience.

    Thanks for sharing this.

    • I agree Saru, not many appreciate the depth of the story and not many are patient enough to understand the real story. People including us sometimes are happy enough to brush it off from the surface cos that way the problem seems smaller and easily solveable.. But they never are and they never will be

  2. A practical post Vidyashree.. This happens quite often. A group chat on Watsapp is like sitting in a room full of people and talking, so yes one needs to be careful about what information one should share.

    • Thank you Somali. I could relate to every person Brene Brown mentioned about. I agree Somali, one has to be careful while sharing such sensitive information and also in the social media, it looks like a drama happening on most of their facebook walls.

  3. Vinay, I wonder why people want to post their issues on as public a medium as a WhatsApp group. Isn’t it better to know who your close friends are, pick up the phone or meet them in person, and pour your heart out? If you post about your issues on public forums, that’s an issue in itself? Older generations would advice never to wash your dirty linen in public for this very reason probably.

    • Lata, I think it might also be to do with social acceptance or maybe pity or some insecurity. We all need a sense of reassurance and a sense of pity and support sometimes. I agree to your thought, social sharing of problems either leads to a mockery of it or a plain simple careless shrug, but it is not going to lead to a solution. And most times it simply makes the problem bigger than it actually is..

  4. I have faced this a many times. Ultimately, I stopped sharing and it’s painful this way. Looking for a person who I could share my feelings is a very difficult task for me. At least, now after reading this, I can classify people. 🙂

    • Oh it’s a tough thing Namrata, lots of trial and error methods with people, to see who values our emotions and feelings. Good luck with finding these kinds and yeah these 6 kinds also help us, help us in easily identifying the one who fits us 😀

  5. I remember your “peculiar people” post, Vidyashree..that was really a good one! Here also, you’ve very practically discussed the issues. We all have faced such situations… I remember just one thing now, never share your worries with others, 90% don’t care and the rest are happy to know that you are in trouble…

    May sound rude, but can’t help it… 😀

    • Thank you maniparna. I really enjoyed making that post. Something about the society gets us a little flared up and kinda brings out some nice pieces on the posts 😀 .. True indeed, not many people really care to udnerstand what we are going through. And even if they do, many of them don’t really know what to do about it. In the end, it becomes just an exercise without any result which simply defeats the very purpose of sharing the problem

  6. Right types.. and yes there are still many left . Its better to test the patience of a paper rather than people until .. you have the right audience .

    • Kokila, testing patience on paper has always made me feel better and I guess it’s the same with you.
      Choosing the right audience is a tough thing and yeah the trial and error method in choosing them has helped me find some reliable ones 🙂