It is quite a pain isn’t it – this emotional insecurity? It is a horrible phase when nothing seems to be working your way and you start to wonder and ask these questions
– Why is this happening to me?
– What am I doing wrong so constantly that nothing seems to work my way?
– Why is luck always against me? It seems to work well for others!
– I know that I should not think like this, but what is missing in me? Why can’t I do this? Am I incapable of doing it?
It is fair that we ask these questions. If someone is insecure about something, they are insecure about something and we need to find a way out of it.
People say all sorts of things
– You should not compare yourself to others
– You should not feel bad cos it is destiny
– Failure is the stepping stone to success and you will get there eventually
– Don’t be dependent on someone or something for your happiness – You are the creator of your own destiny
And what not.
Although all of these might be true, I still feel quite uncomfortable when people shove a theory up my face and say that life is supposed to be like this. I don’t like to believe that. Do you?
I mean we all have one life to live, and we want to live it the way we want.
Why do we feel insecure?
It is pretty simple isn’t it? We feel insecure cos of one of the following reasons
– A similar thing in the past had happened which did not work out. And each time something is happening, we naturally relate it to the past and wonder as to what is happening in life.
– Each time a failure hits us, we remember all those times we had failed in life and we don’t want that to happen again. In saying so, we are remembering the failure over and over again.
– We think that the task in front of us is too daunting or the person in the relationship is way better than us and at some point we don’t deserve them.
– What will people say if I fail again?
Why these questions are stupid?
1) The past
What you are living right now is not the past. We wrote a post on “How to stop being a prisoner of the past” – maybe that might help a bit here. Look at this one thing – the past is what happened years ago.
The situation today might be a bit similar or a lot similar. But that doesn’t prove anything or that doesn’t tell you anything. It need not be the same. Of course, you might have done a few mistakes in the past. So what, we all have and that doesn’t tell you anything. If you call yourself stupid cos you made a mistake in the past, every person in the world is an idiot cos we all have made those mistakes in the past.
The trick is in getting over them and pretending that it never happened. The more we react to the past, the more we die in it!
2) Self Confidence.
Now this is a bit tricky sometimes. You are not really sure of what you are capable of – you want to be, but you are not sure. Not to worry, we all face that at times and you would have too gotten over it. It is just that we are so fixated on the mistakes that we are not trained to look and appreciate ourselves which makes life a little silly.
To build your self-confidence, here are 10 step by step processes to build your self-confidence which will help through your journey. Again it is pretty simple, sometimes we feel diffident cos we have taken too big a challenge and we are not prepared for it yet.
That doesn’t mean that we are incapable, it just means that it might need a little more time. Although it is a cliche, it is still true – a delay doesn’t mean a denial. You can’t let every simple thing that happens in the world affect you. That makes you weak, that makes the thought weak and you twirl into the zone of emotional insecurity.
You cannot fight weakness with weakness, you cannot feel sorry for yourself. We are trying to be realistic here and try to find a solution. I can be soothing and probably tell you that everything is going to be ok, but we both know that it is not true. We need results and we need to work towards them.
Often the relationship insecurity boils from the part about what we feel about ourselves. Again I can go on and talk about how to build self-confidence. But you have already read that in the previous paragraph.
Here, let me just fixate on that one question – How will someone love you if you do not know how to love yourself? How will someone love you if you are inaccessible in life? How will people feel comfortable with you if you don’t feel comfortable about yourself?
Relationships are more about giving and trust than about being doubtful and insecure about it. Of course, we all feel insecure, we all are afraid. That is because the relationship means so much to us and we do not want to miss out on something that beautiful.
Fear is a nice thing sometimes, we got to understand what it is trying to tell us.
If you want your relationship to evolve out of that insecurity, then man up or woman up – take that step and set it right. Don’t doubt them, don’t question them, do something nice, give rather than expect. That will set things right.
You can’t win a relationship with argument, you have to win it with love.
4) People and Society
People will say all sorts of things, they are jobless! They will call you incapable, they will call you stupid and arrogant and they will go to the extent of taking the liberty to tell you “I Told You So”. People are idiots with the exception of a few!
If you stop and listen to every idiot who barks at you, then you will end up doing just that. All of your time is spent on defending yourself that you really don’t have any times to work on what really matters. In other words, the solution and the action part which needs the most attention is the one which gets the least.
Stop worrying about people. You will never be able to satisfy them. They will find a problem with every solution you find, it is as if it is their job and they are very good at it.
Doesn’t matter, you will show them who your are. Don’t waste your words, they are precious. Show them with your results.
As Gandhi said – At first they make fun of you and then they doubt you and then they want to be you. People are pretty crazy, the more you ignore them and go with your gait, the more they follow you. Decide what you want – followers or a gossiper who travels with them.
5) Satisfying Everyone!
The sure shot way to failure is to try and satisfy every single idiot you meet. You are in this life for yourself – note that.
If you are able to satisfy someone along the way, then great, do it. If not, then forget it, they really don’t deserve every bit of attention.
I can understand that some people become important in life and they deserve our love and attention. However, there are others too who demand it as if you owe them something.
Remember why you are doing something. What is the prime motivation for your actions? If it is to satisfy others, then don’t do it at all. You are going to screw it up. Unless the reason fro your aciton is you and you alone, you are going to fall short.
You may call this selfish and self-centered. Yes! it sure is! And you got to be. The bible doesn’t say just love thy neighbor, it says love thy neighbor just like you love yourself.
Well these were our top 5 tips to get over that irritating bug of insecurity. Please let us know below your thoughts on this, I would love to discuss more.