Being Assertive In Life
Before we get into the details of how to be more assertive in life, let us try and understand what it means to be assertive in life.
Being Assertive Definition
As per the dictionary, being assertive means having or showing a forceful personality. If we dig in a little deeper, we all know who we are, what we stand for and our rights in life. And if someone cuts us off that, there is a sense of indignation and irritation. Sometimes people do it without their knowledge, they are just insensitive. But some other times, it gets a little annoying when they do it even when they know. That is when you realize that your natural good nature is being taken advantage of. And that is never a good thing.
So, we naturally have to be assertive. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting about being rude, but I am just suggesting about preventing someone from entering your private space and treating you like dirt. It may happen in simple terms like them teasing you or bullying you over and over again. Or they may take your opinion for granted and think that you don’t really mind. Or they may simply ignore your presence or dominion about anything and treat you like a rubber stamp.
All of these are equally bad and there is no excuse for them to do that. And there is no excuse for you to tolerate that either. With that premise we talk about 5 techniques to become more assertive.
5 Tips To Become More Assertive, Step 1: Who Are You?
- Who are you?
- What are the values you stand for?
- What don’t you tolerate?
- Why don’t you tolerate something?
- What is the meaning of tolerance or being nice as per you?
- When do you think someone is violating your rights?
These are the questions which will get you to understand yourself better.
5 Tips To Become More Assertive, Step 2: Recognize The Pattern
I am not suggesting to flare up at every single digression from your thoughts. That is simply being too intolerant. But what we are suggesting is to look if there is a pattern or a consistency. If someone is consistently pushing you down, if you realize that someone is constantly putting you down and disrespecting your views. And if there is someone who constantly pushes your buttons. Then it is time to see that there is a consistent appearance here and you just have to stand up for it.
Things do not miraculously solve themselves, we have to stand up for that!
5 Tips To Become More Assertive, Step 3: Assertion, Aggression And Passive Behavior
There is a Thin Line:
- There is a thin line between being passive and tolerant.
- There is a thin line between being assertive and aggressive
- And there is a thin line between being passive and assertive as well.
Honestly there is a thin line between every little thing in life. And rightly so, the balance is something which brings solace in life and that is the beauty of it. Sometimes we ought to be aggressive, sometimes we ought to be passive and sometimes assertive as well.
Like we say, everything has its place in life but everything has a simple requirement to it – Is that approach helping you. Or is that approach hurting someone else? The moment you answer these questions to your satisfaction, it is time to head on to the next step.
5 Tips To Become More Assertive, Step 4 : What Exactly Do You Hate?
What is it that you don’t like about the situation?
- Is it the tone?
- The way they treat you?
- Do you feel disrespected?
- Do you feel that they don’t care about you?
Try and figure out what exactly you don’t like about it. Have a heart to heart talk with that person and tell them how it makes you feel. You need not be argumentative about it, you can have it over an informal conversation and tell them how it makes you feel and how it is hurting your progress or relationship with them.
Most people are very sensitive and most times they do these stupid things cos they don’t really know it is hurting you and they are just too consumed about themselves in their life. Make them understand that it is hurting you and they are entering your private space which is really hurting you.
5 Tips To Become More Assertive, Step 5 : Don’t Explain Yourself Too Much
Sometimes, you don’t have to provide an explanation for your opinion or thoughts. Sometimes you don’t need to clearly explain why you are right and why they are wrong.
Sometimes even knowing that it is just about the emotions is a great deal for the communication.
Don’t fret about that. You don’t have to be perfect. It is ok to be wrong, but it is NOT OK to be disrespected for that. It is completely alright to be yourself and tell yourself that consistently. The more you let someone tread over your personal life, the more you are taken for granted. You have got to stand up for yourself and these 5 steps are going to be a good start to being assertive in life.
Before we part, we would like to share with you a small video from Video Well cast about being assertive in Life
Excerpts From The Video:
1) Hold on to your Nuts:
- N- Non negotiable
2) Be simple honest and direct
3) Fake it till you make it
4) Use I statements instead of you statements – when you are assertive to something and telling someone about it…
Ex: Instead of saying, “You‘re so inconsiderate. You have no idea how hard my day at the office was. Why would you ask me to do all these chores?” say, “I’m exhausted today. I understand you want these things done, but I’m not going to be able to get to them until tomorrow.
These were our top 5 tips on being assertive in life. Stay tuned in for more.
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