Whose fault is it?
Whose fault is it? Right from our childhood we are used to this question and we know what is coming next after this question – A punishment for what went wrong and the punishment usually would be so severe that forget repeating it, it was easier to find a way around it. Naturally it was hard to admit faults as a child. Now that we are grown up and are in jobs are studying in college, our managers or teachers ask us as to who is responsible for the mistake. Again, the result is punishment, maybe a pay cut or a suspension from school. Why would anyone want to take responsibility when something goes wrong?
It is always easier to point fingers!
As Anthony Robbins says — There are only two reasons for someone to take action – “To avoid pain or to gain pleasure”. If we look at this particular scenario, there is no way we are being appreciated for taking responsibility or telling the truth, so why bother telling it anyway? Best thing is to avoid it and better yet place it on someone else so that we do not feel that bad or we do not feel the wrath!
Do we feel good?
Well that’s the funny part! Although it is very easy to point fingers, we do know what the truth is and it is the hardest thing to get away from guilt, even harder than being punished and being held responsible for what went wrong. And to top that, it feels further bad that we blamed someone else for the mistake we did and they are being punished for that! Way to lay a guilt trap right?!
Then how can we escape this vicious cycle?
Well I would say MAN UP! I know it is hard, I know it sucks and the culture has trained us so much in a silly way that as soon as someone admits a mistake, instead of making them feel comfortable, a lot more is dumped on them to make it feel all the more miserable. I find it really annoying that there is no incentive for someone to tell the truth or actually take some responsibility. But then again, it is harder to change the culture than changing ourselves and bettering ourselves a bit. The fault is a fault, it has happened, the more important thing here is the result and it is best to focus on how to make it right
I agree, it is embarrassing to take up that responsibility.
clipartof.comI am not going to say that it is cool or it is noble but I am going to say that after the moment has passed, it makes you feel proud of yourself. And that is exactly what I am trying to look for. The real sign of honor lies not in escaping a situation but in facing it head on, doesn’t matter if it makes you feel a little bad. It is temporary anyway. But what you take away from it is astounding and nothing short of a pride.
Here is something that might help you get out of an embarrassing situation : How to face an embarrassing situation?
Look at what can be done better!
I know it still feels bad after all these, the fault has been identified, the guilt has been laid on someone. But that rarely is the end of anything. The only way to get out of the trap is to do something to solve this fault or better yet, improve it upon the earlier design. That ought to make some difference.
All said and done, I agree that it hurts to point fingers at ourselves and I am not saying that we should do it for the sake of nobility. It looks like a very big word for me. But I would say DO IT cos it makes you feel better, it sets you free, it gives you the ownership and responsibility so that you start hunting for the solution. Too many people have played the blame game anyway, the answer is not in who did it, the answer is in how to solve it!
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Thank you Deepak. Spot on mate, if we don’t see anything , then we dont know what we are going after and in such a case, I guess it becomes very hard to move ahead. Kinda like shooting in the dark! :)
Thank you Manjula :). Very glad to hear from you and you’re really very sweet to be saying that.. Thank you :)
The problem is that most of the time the mistake is committed by the others :)
He he,, true that, in that case I’d say punch them :P ;)
Good post once again. Yeah admitting mistakes does set one free i agree to that. Vinay there was this movie i saw recently. Sometimes even when you admit that you have defaulted and you are ready to undergo all that it takes to make commends it just does not set you free. The movie said something and i am just sharing it with you. It said life is about making choices and then the most difficult thing is to live with those choices. i know you won’t understand what i’m trying to say here. See this movie called The Words. Later let me know. What should or ought to have been done by that man who defaulted. I’ll come back to ur page. Because i’m trying to conjure up as many noble answers myself. Would help to know what ur thoughts are. :)
Thank you Shivani :).
Oh yea, when it comes to money and $$$ I am sure admitting might not be the best recluse. Although it sets us free, it does trap us quite strongly. Kinda reminds me a funny quote – ‘Confession is good for the soul but not for the person carrying it’ :D ..
That is lovely Shivani, I would love to watch this movie. The words are so fantastic and the view is beautiful with life as a choice and living with those challenges as a choice and way of life. Quite powerful indeed :)
Thank you Baba :). I guess finally it all boils down to that one threadbare question as to how it affects us and what we do about it. Perhaps that makes the most difference in life and the rest finds a way to work itself around this..
Thank you Anmol :). I agree, it is a very easy escape, but I guess it takes a stronger gait to take up that responsibility and respond accordingly :)
“the answer is not in who did it, the answer is in how to solve it! ……” Believe me Vinay, this, above one is the line wise people struggle with OR despite being wise lack courage and dread the possible failures.Great post.. :)
Thank you Kokila :). I couldn’t agree more.. I guess we all struggle it in every walk of our life and sometimes it is harder to make in those shifts as well. But I believe with a continued focus and a little bit of practice, things will be magical soon :)
It actually hurts when anyone points a finger on us, but then it actually hurts even more to point fingers at ourselves. I am not saying whose fault is it, but then if it is your fault then you should have the courage to accept it. Honestly this is the thing which makes me really too irritate these days, when I see someone doing some fault, and when asked for it, clearly refusing to accept it, though I know he/she has done this.
We should have the courage to accept the faults if we made any.
True Alok, I really get irritated when someone points fingers at me. And I have a huge list of compliments I can give when they do that to me ;). But having said that I have realized of late that it is a real waste of energy to do that. I mean people don’t really worry about the fault once they point out. It is as if their job is done and they dont want anything to do with it.
True Alok, it does take a lot of courage and also sometimes importantly someone who can forgive at ease as well. It can be a nice two way street :)