If your friends judge you because of the clothes you wear then you need new friends not a new suit!
One of the greatest delights of reading a good book is the way an author represents an idea and tries to build a premise around it. One such statement which made me stop on my track was this one when I was reading this book – “The Richest Man in Babylon” by George.S.Clason known to be among the top motivational books of all time and also an interesting book for someone who really wants to become rich ;).
I guess as we all grow up, we are subject to constant judgement around us, sometimes by our friends, some relatives, some family members, some of it our own. Of the many things people judge us on, it maybe the kind of erasers we carried to school when we were kids, maybe an expensive cricket bat or a ball. As we slightly grew up, the focus seemed to go towards the nice bicycles we got to ride and then it was the bikes followed by now the cars! I guess it is a constantly evolving process on its own. Some may disagree with me when I say this, I completely respect your thoughts but I guess atleast to a certain extent judgement does exist around us.
So, how do we deal with it? How do we deal with so many people constantly judging us? Well I guess the answer is easy – You don’t have to.. I do understand the urge to answer to a lot of people, especially when they try to undermine us – The mind goes –“How dare they insult me? They don’t know who they are dealing with! I need to give them a piece of my mind!”. Well I can assure you that I have been there constantly but something else I have come to realize is that you can’t stop them all! The more we keep responding to these, the more energy it drains out of us, not leaving much with us to relish. But there is something even stronger than reaction – It is response!
I do agree that both of them sound the same but with a very slight difference between the two. The reaction is our immediate response, more like a knee jerk while a response has a slight time lag in it. “So what?! Big deal! Right?” Well I guess it does make that big deal if we try and use it to our advantage. In the previous scenario a reaction to judgement can be talking to them and explaining and probably even yelling. The response can be to realize that it might just end up draining your energy more which can be better used somewhere.
I think as long as we are comfortable with who we are and what we do, the rest of the things in the world hardly seem to matter. I am not going to advocate a theory where we are completely dissociated from it. Some maybe strong enough to do it but I assure you that I am as weak as I sound here :D .. I think even those emotions of discomfort have a very strong role to play in our lives and they keep influencing us, maybe testing us to see how we respond to them or if we respond to them. End of the day I believe all these emotions are there for a reason, and they are trying to send a message to us.. And sometimes the message can be as simple as changing the circle you are in.. It may not mean that you have to shun everyone around you physcially, but you can always be a part of the society without being a part of it! A line in Bhagawadgita explains how a lotus plant is a part of water and yet does not allow that to influence it, maybe something in similar lines here, but a little simpler ;)..
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An excellent article on this important subject. Thanks.
Thank you Sampat Kumari Ji :). Glad to know that the comment section is working. It acts weird sometimes. Hopefully it is resolved.
Nice to see your thoughts here :)
As adept a it can possibly get. In fact it’s one of those axioms we have to continuously conform with. A reaction is surely a pilferage of all that we stand for. If a mere confrontation could take away from us our humility, we ought not to take it that way and complete apathy is what we should exhibit. It surely is difficult with our complexities but I believe one who can master this art would be the happiest guy around. :)
Tushar Kumar Singh
Project Disavowed
I agree Tushar. Unlike what we are often told, apathy is not such a bad thing after all. It does have its due role on life. We perhaps just need to learn to use it well that’s all .. That will certainly take us a long way :)
Yup thats the best way to keep stress at bay…. but not that easy to implement…. dont you think?
Not at all Seeta , not at all.. It is going to be hard , we might have to challenge ourselves quite a bit but I’m sure it’s gonna be worth it ! :)
Man really…. awesome….:-)
Thank you Issac :)
People are quick to judge. I’ve learnt not to fall into the trap of judging myself by their yardstick. I accept myself as I am and I don’t need to be validated by others. It isn’t easy but once you know what to do you simply remind yourself of this fact and – voila you’re feeling better already.
That’s a brilliant way! I like the line where you mention – “I accept myself and I don’t need to be validated by others “. That really holds a lot of water , no matter what situation life tends to be taking us in.. And certainly not at all easy- maybe that’s why so few people do it ;)
Well said Vinay, undoubtedly, “If your friends judge you because of the clothes you wear then you need new friends not a new suit!” holds true. Your friend should judge from ur inner qualities and nothing else.
That’s true Alok , it makes me feel that it’s a sort of universal understanding where judgement is a part of every society we enter into. And somehow Somewhere it finds a way to entwine itself. But having said that I’m fond of one school of thought – being a part of you without being like you. Meaning to say that we probably don’t need to antagonize or even fight at a few things. It is that trained apathy which can take us somewhere :)
This is the same topic which I was discussing with a friend of mine yesterday because she used to get conscious about inviting a mutual friend of ours her home because there was a huge gap in the realities of both girls background. She told me this thing and I said only one sentence If she is your good friend she will not be bothered about how your home looks and instead she will cherish the time she spends with you! :)
Thank you Yamini :). That was a perfect thing to say. If they are true friends, they should not be judging us by those small things..
Good positive post…
Thank you Ananya :)
What do you do when people judge you? http://t.co/SDvgnL7IWh