I was pretty happy when I wrote my previous post about 10 Step by Step Processes To Build Self Confidence in Life and I thought – well, this is it – simple and easy and I wondered – “Why is it hard to feel confident in life?” I mean life is so easy isn’t it?
To be very honest, I really was that presumptuous till I realised a step further to understand that confidence is not that straight forward a feeling, at least not to all people. I certainly was very simplistic when I told myself that confidence is easy. I guess it is easy to do the same thing over and over cos we gain a certain expertise in it and call it confidence. It is when we come across new things in life and wonder how to go about them and question ourself whether we have that capacity to do that.
The Zone of Under Confidence or Diffidence
I am quite happy that I was pushed to this zone where the ego goes to shatter a bit and you realise that when it comes to the new things, confidence is never really very easy. It depends on our attitude towards new challenges and what we want to derive out of those. One of my biggest problems was that I wanted to be great at everything I started – maybe it is a natural thing, we all would love to feel strong, great, be recognised by people around us so that we can strut around feeling that we really are amazing. It is a really wonderful feeling and I would definitely love to be in that zone all the time.
But then, let us face it – there are these moments of doubt where we wonder if we are the only ones who stand out to question, if we are the ones finding it difficult to get on track while the others seem to sail through quite easily. We miss out on something very important, we look at what we want to be but we rarely look at what we are doing and the effort we are putting in to reach the successes we desire in life. And even when we look at the efforts, we feel bad that the results are not exactly as we expected them to be. Truth is, it takes time – confidence in anything new takes time, we have all experienced that, we have all felt that with the so many new things we have learnt in our lives.
Fake it or Embrace It?
I know it is hard and I certainly appreciate the fact that we all feel low, but there is no point in trying to hide it and say that we are confident, there is a greater joy in accepting things the way they are and identifying how we want them to be and set ourselves out on a path to get what we want. Nothing in our life is going to come our way if we sit and wait for it to happen. Things happen very fast out here and it is a damn amazing feeling to be confident in life, to have that spirit of adventure instead of fear, to go out of our comfort zone to see that life is way more beautiful than we thought. The process without doubt sucks sometimes, but hey there is nothing in life called a free lunch – Is there?
That was our thought of the day – the effect of confidence, please share your thoughts and experiences below, we are all ears to hear more from you and continue our little debate.
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For a handful confidence is inbuilt, but then there is a majority who needs to develop it as and when.. I think the trouble is not with gaining, faking or escaping it, the trouble is when others push us down, when these others are the powerful and patronizing it becomes difficult.. to not to listen to them as well. That I think needs to be taken care of, as you said in belief in the self and the attitude towards the challenges.
So true, confidence doesn’t really come naturally. It has to be a process and a set of results which have worked in our favour. And the great news is that it can be built over time and made stronger. I couldn’t agree more, the trouble with faking is that it becomes more difficult and more so, our mind knows that it is not really there and it is not really helping us anyway. A better thing might be to simply accept what is and then decide what we are going to do about it and take things ahead in our stride :)
I agree with you that rather than faking we must accept reality as it is. Confidence comes natural if we put the right efforts with consistency in our work. I remember a proverb i read somewhere “An original is far more worth than an imitation. ” We must be what we are rather than faking ourself.
Thank you Mohit. I like that – an original is way more powerful than an imitation. Unless we do something of our own, the returns will also be very limited. Not much good is going to come out of that!!
I think it is the faith and belief in oneself that becomes the backbone of the strength of our character and also the willingness to accept what is not known unabashedly forming the cornerstone! Nice thought provoking article.
True Sunita, it has to be the strength of character which makes the most impact. The other incidents drive us towards various outcomes. What we make of them and how we respond to them are going to make the biggest difference..
A very good post Vinay. More than faking confidence, a majority of them do suffer due to lack of confidence. They somehow imagine that they are not fit for something and stay put in their place instead of taking that giant step that will help them gain more confidence. At least those who fake confidence may eventually become confident.
Thank you Fayaz :). I agree self confidence truly is not easy to come by. Especially when we are doing something new, it takes more effort to get that confidence. I agree with your line of thought. It is most famously called the impostor theory which makes us question ourselves a lot. Getting out of that can sound daunting at first but it really is a brilliant endeavour to come out of it :) . thank you for these thoughts Fayaz. They’re definitely a value addition :)
Very true abt confidence when it comes to ‘anythng new’ and the most imp thing is that you shud accpt it d way it is…
very well written
Thank you Alex :). It is a very tricky thing for me – I feel that I constantly keep moving between the confident zone and the less confident zone. I guess it all finally boils down to the consistency, the more consistent we are at something, the better we get at defining it as a part of our personality. And as long as we are up to it and accept the reality, we are headed to some real progress. If not, I guess we can deny our way out of this lifetime, after all – none of us has too long anyway to keep up with an unwilling behaviour to improve.