“Wow! This is a new level of debate” I thought as I was looking at a debate on television today and honestly I was quite stunned at it.
The bulletin board said
Pre Marital Potency Test
“Madras High Court suggests pre marital potency tests”
I am still reeling from a shock that a court suggested it. Although if I try to understand why they said this, the possible explanations might be
– Not having a child as the main reason for divorce
– Dowry harassment cases
– The woman being blamed and shunned in the society
and so on, but I still don’t understand what it has got to do with marriage. I always thought marriages were about two people, leading a life together, sharing and growing together and completing their lives. I agree that having a child is a part of a family and is a nice thing but is that all there is to a marriage?
Some of the points in the debate included
1) We want to bring down the cases of divorce
Well, maybe you will be able to solve about 1% of the cases with this solution, but is that what you are looking at? Shouldn’t you or I be looking at marriage as a sanctity, a relationship, a bond between two lives? When did it get so commercial?
2) Such tests will bring down the cases of dowry
I am still trying to understand how. Honestly I don’t think that this is in any way related to dowry or anything that comes to the life between the two.
3) Someone even went ahead and said – “How do we test these cases”
My question is still very basic, before I go to HOW, I would rather ask why? I still feel that it is a very dishonorable way of looking at it. I do agree that people have a lot of differences and sometimes it gets unbearable. If you are worried about dowry, then don’t give it, why do you want to believe in the concept of buying a nice fancy groom on sale? Or maybe go to a matrimonial site and see if there is any discount available for him?
And what has that groom done to get a dowry or a down payment? Is it because he has a great job? Is it because he has achieved some things in life which no one else has? Or does it mean that it is going to keep your daughter happy?
I think it is about time that we move on from this idea of “Arranged Marriages” where the arrangement is finance, power, position, status and most annoyingly caste. It is time that we grow beyond these shackles of life and be with someone cos we like being with them, period. There is nothing more needed to it. I can listen to a few people say that I am being idealistic or naive when I say this, but I would rather be idealistic than being so materialistic!
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Product Director with 10+ years in leadership roles - team building, product strategy, coaching and mentoring are a part of my everyday responsibilities. I write about motivational words that inspire us and shape our thinking and help us go beyond these thoughts to find what our minds are telling us and evolve.
In our society, a lot of people get ‘arranged’ into alliances. For such a situation, I see the need for these tests. Inability to have a child is always touted as women’s fault. Better people do these tests and have a saner life ahead!
I think it should not be mandatory but the option must be there. It’s true that in our country many divorce cases are filed only on the basis of the fact that the woman is infertile…that she is unable to bear a child leads to her separation and she is even considered to be cursed. Sad but true. In greater section of society, still now the ultimate goal of marriage is to contribute to the population!
Though, logically pre-marital thalassemia /HIV tests are much more important. ( I know it’s a controversial comment too :-P )
He he :D .. I agree to the thought on the humanitarian front Maniparna, that way we can stop the ones who are trying to take advantage of the innocent. But then again I wonder that a marriage should not become a public domain or everyone will start having opinions about it. And we all know how fond people are to give a free advice ..
It sure is a controversial topic and a controversial comment too ;) :D
Thank you Seema :).. Yes I agree, it is simply insane to see the logic of a marriage or an institution gone wild.. I am still amazed that people came up with such debates which were absolutely meaningless.. :(
What is the need of potency? well the choice is personal. My opinion having a child is the part of marriage but not the complete marriage. Four years into marriage I have been asked a innumerable time about this question. My simple answer “I am not ready for motherhood” baffles all except my mother. In India Marriages are mainly done due to children or offspring or the successor of the clan. So, as the land so is the law. Thanks for sharing your view point.
Thank you Datta.. I am completely with you. The choice is PERSONAL! I think it is about time that people around stop meddling with the personal life of two individuals. It is an extremely private affair and no one has the right to actually pass a comment on it, let alone a judgement!
I agree, such people will never be able to or rather will never try to understand the difference between a personal space and a private life. Gosh, I dont know where things are headed if they are going this way! :(
To be very frank I am strictly in the favor of such tests which can make the life smooth for brides and groom… Thank you Vinay for sharing this blog on such a nice topic…
Thank you Alok.. I agree that these tests should be done and perhaps a nice way to ease the social pressure. But I am a little displeased with the way it was dubbed to lessen the divorce cases. I always thought that the institution of a marriage was a lot more divine than that. I was quite surprised and indeed a little shocked to see that it was treated that way, that too by a bench of such honor.. :(
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In our society, a lot of people get ‘arranged’ into alliances. For such a situation, I see the need for these tests. Inability to have a child is always touted as women’s fault. Better people do these tests and have a saner life ahead!
I think it should not be mandatory but the option must be there. It’s true that in our country many divorce cases are filed only on the basis of the fact that the woman is infertile…that she is unable to bear a child leads to her separation and she is even considered to be cursed. Sad but true. In greater section of society, still now the ultimate goal of marriage is to contribute to the population!
Though, logically pre-marital thalassemia /HIV tests are much more important. ( I know it’s a controversial comment too :-P )
He he :D .. I agree to the thought on the humanitarian front Maniparna, that way we can stop the ones who are trying to take advantage of the innocent. But then again I wonder that a marriage should not become a public domain or everyone will start having opinions about it. And we all know how fond people are to give a free advice ..
It sure is a controversial topic and a controversial comment too ;) :D
Hi Alok, I agree with your all points and reviews and I accepted that this is all happening going up against two souls or human which is a curse.
Hey Seema, thanks, but I guess your comment is for Vinay or for me? :)
It was for Vinay……………….
Thank you Seema :).. Yes I agree, it is simply insane to see the logic of a marriage or an institution gone wild.. I am still amazed that people came up with such debates which were absolutely meaningless.. :(
What is the need of potency? well the choice is personal. My opinion having a child is the part of marriage but not the complete marriage. Four years into marriage I have been asked a innumerable time about this question. My simple answer “I am not ready for motherhood” baffles all except my mother. In India Marriages are mainly done due to children or offspring or the successor of the clan. So, as the land so is the law. Thanks for sharing your view point.
Thank you Datta.. I am completely with you. The choice is PERSONAL! I think it is about time that people around stop meddling with the personal life of two individuals. It is an extremely private affair and no one has the right to actually pass a comment on it, let alone a judgement!
I agree, such people will never be able to or rather will never try to understand the difference between a personal space and a private life. Gosh, I dont know where things are headed if they are going this way! :(
To be very frank I am strictly in the favor of such tests which can make the life smooth for brides and groom… Thank you Vinay for sharing this blog on such a nice topic…
Thank you Alok.. I agree that these tests should be done and perhaps a nice way to ease the social pressure. But I am a little displeased with the way it was dubbed to lessen the divorce cases. I always thought that the institution of a marriage was a lot more divine than that. I was quite surprised and indeed a little shocked to see that it was treated that way, that too by a bench of such honor.. :(