I came across this question in Quora today which set me to a thought. As you know, we love these debates and would like to discuss this one today. The immediate reaction of mine to this question is YES with the basic assumption that I am a soft hearted person. If I try to play the devil’s advocate, I feel like saying NO, it is absolutely absurd to think of it that way.
The Case For Yes
It so happens that a sensitive person ‘Feels’ that he or she is quite often taken advantage of. There have been instances where their voice hasn’t been heard. There have been instances where these soft hearted ones are pushed over and people don’t seem to walk all over them. And even when these soft hearted ones say that they don’t like something, people don’t seem to give much of an attention because the law is pretty simple – “Crying baby gets the most attention”. The good ones will never be noticed and even if they are, they are usually taken for granted.
There have been a lot of times where I have felt this and I have wondered, how come people are so mean – How can they even think of taking advantage of someone. How can they take us for granted when we are so careful about each and every emotion of theirs and try to make sure that we don’t pass the boundaries. It feels so unfair that they do not extend the same courtesy to us.
Then there is another simple statement that comes to my mind – “People are just people” They all respond the way they would like to be responded to. They give attention to us only when we respond to the way they are trained. It would be incredibly naive of us to think that the world works in the same rules as we do.
The Case For No!
The case for this is simply that, if we let someone take advantage of us, it is completely our fault. We all have a private space and we need to guard that very carefully. Given an opportunity, people will walk all over you and pretend as if nothing happened. I don’t want to sound like a cynic but that’s kinda the way the world works, it doesn’t necessarily changed its approach just because you or I are soft hearted. If we think something is precious, it is our absolute responsibility to take care of it and sometimes it also means that we would have to do the things we are not used to. That doesn’t mean that the world is a bad place or people constantly take advantage, it just means that our responsibility extends beyond saying – “I am like this and the world should adjust itself accordingly”.
The world knows little about how you are or I am, the world doesn’t have enough time or patience to understand each one of us individually. There are times when we will have to identify which ones to take seriously and which ones to ward off. We need to create those boundaries and establish a perimeter which people can cross or not.
Of course it hurts when people don’t respond the way you want them to, especially when you are emotionally cornered and down. But that’s no reason to shy away from the responsibilities. It is a great thing to be a sensitive person, but it is a greater thing to protect yourself in such a way that you remain one.
Well, that’s as far as our imagination stretches, what do you think about these soft hearted people?
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There is no doubt that soft hearted people are taken advantage of more often than not, it is a fact. But then again, it is also their fault too. It is much easier to change yourself rather than trying to convince and change the entire world. Every person ought to set a limit to how much they can be put to use and must have their self esteem. Else they are taken for granted yes. It is similar to how what we get for free is given little to no value.
Though I would like to believe that there is still goodness left in the world, I totally think that kind-hearted people are often taken for granted. I also believe that even though they know the intention of the opposite person,their personality doesn’t allow them to take a stricter or negative stance.
I do agree Jyothi, even I have felt it a few times – just cos I am not loud enough people seem to think that it is ok to impose their views on me and don’t find the necessity to check with me first. They seem to assume that I would be ok with that. Strangely enough, I do find that the responsibility is mine, but maybe the whole change process is quite a complicated one. Maybe it is about that internal strength in choosing our battles. I still wonder what the broad answer is for this question.
The problem with me is, I find it difficult to say ‘no’ when someone asks for some favour. I do say nowadays, but it’s a difficult task for me. The world at present doesn’t look upon soft-heartedness as a virtue, rather a weakness… :-(
Its quite the same with me too Maniparna and the sad part is when people do not extend the same courtesy to us. It feels as though we were wrong in choosing the people we tried to help. And then there is a conflict within which says – this is the kind of person I am, someone who is willing to help out. I guess the more sensitive you are, the more conflicts life throws at you.
…it all boils down to all of us being human….we are wired that way..we try to please people who are superior to us and stamp people who are below us…which means everybody is a bully as well as softhearted but in different shades…a person becomes superior depends in which era he is born for eg. in todays world..if one has loads of cash…i bet that person has to seldom bow down to others…also it depends in various scenario that makes one stupe down to others…the real question is….it is easy to stamp onto beggars…but if you are on the begging side, then how do you train your mind to not fall prey and avoid oneself from becoming somebodies doormat…
-deependra.
Thank you Deependra. I honestly think that this is a very mature way of looking at things. The aspiration to please people brings us down and makes us do some completely unnecessary things. Superiority like you said is very easy to possess, sometimes it comes in various dimensions and for some others the other end of the spectrum is true. There is also the softer and sensitive side who are pained by others stamping their authority. The question that comes to my mind now is – whether this is all a power struggle?
Soft hearted people very often lose their voice.They acquiesce and let go where the other person tends to think he has the upper hand.I would make a case for ‘ yes’ .Soft hearted people get trampled
I certainly agree Tejas, sometimes I feel if it makes sense to be louder and a little more insensitive so that people would listen to me. But then there is a conflict within which says constantly that – This is not who I am and I don’t want to stoop to something which I don’t believe in. It gets so difficult and annoying sometimes that I kinda feel helpless in my own web of thoughts.
True that Tejas, unfortunately sometimes it feels that it is the crying baby which gets the most attention and people don’t seem to have the patience to listen to the quieter ones. So where does that leave us? Should the softer ones start making noise? Should they go out of their way in competing with the world which has its own set of rules?