I was watching a television series and a scene caught my eye, a scene where the male protagonist doesn’t express his love for his daughter and expects it to be felt and understood although it is not said or expressed vocally. This somehow brought back a few memories where I have often went up to my mom and asked whether I am really cared for and loved. Although I knew the answer, something in me made me go and ask although I was not very comfortable doing it.
Underplaying Emotions
I have met a few similar people who underplay their emotions and it always made me question WHY?! The most repeated answers would be “It’s not something to be expressed; it’s something to be felt!” Well I partially agree with it but there are times when it is important to express and we still hold back. It feels as though it is an obvious thing to do and it is often taken for granted but it also becomes extremely crucial to do those simple things. Here are a few questions which may answer yours!
Why would you not express it?
Are you shy? Do you think that what you feel will be understood without you telling or showing? Or is it that you are afraid that you might not be met with an appropriate response? Or is it that you just don’t feel anything at all and you are too busy to care. I seriously hope that the answer is not the last one. No matter what these explanations are, I often think and wonder if they are right and if they are, at what cost!?
Why should I express it?
You might say “We both love each other, why should we express it again and again” Yes a very good point! Well then your boss also appreciates your work at office, he knows that you are a valuable asset, then why do you expect him to talk about you, why do you expect a raise, why do you want to feel important? Well, doesn’t the same logic extend to your better half as well? Just knowing that you care or love is not good enough, you need to show it too and quite regularly as well.
How would it help me?
I put myself out there and there is a faint possibility that I might not get the reaction I expected. Well, the chances are not just faint, they are fair. So what? Everyone gets shot down once in a while, communicate to your better half as to how you would like to feel, talk about it, talk about what each of you like, make that effort for that connection, tell each other vocally, through gestures, symbols, texts, phone calls, letters how much you mean to each other. And as to how it would help you, well you start living life at a whole different and an elevated step altogether.
And happiness is never a one way street, it is not that you make them feel happy and they are going to give you a blank stare and be done with it. You will get a warm reciprocation, the smile, the laughter, the sparkle in the eye, the intensity of emotions, the satisfaction of being with such a person, a happiness that comes from within- like I said living life at an elevated level!
What will it do to your relationship?
Of course it does, it tells each other how much you mean, it tells what extent you are willing to go to tell them how special they are to your life, it makes them feel loved, it makes you feel loved, it makes your relationship much stronger than the mediocre challenges of life. There is no need to underplay emotions with your trusted ones, be yourself, show them every small thing, it makes those small things all the more interesting and special, talk to them, tease them, cajole them, cherish them.
How can I do it?
Well after all this philosophy we better get to the HOW! – Well it is fairly simple, open your mouth, spill out the words. For gods sake tell them, make a romantic gesture, get some flowers once in a while, go out for a fancy dinner and a get together, meet some new people together, do some activities together. The gestures can be as simple as hugging someone for a second longer, telling them how much you missed them, asking them how their day was, know those trivial things in life. I am not asking you to keep a day aside and spend a whole lot of time. It doesn’t need time, it needs emotions, it needs thoughts, it needs connections. Establish them.
You know that it is going to make a huge difference to your lifestyle, don’t push it away saying that it is going to be ok, don’t say that people will understand. People don’t, it is not that easy to read someone’s mind, it is hard, respect that, let yourself go, feel comfortable doing that. After all, it is your loved ones, they do deserve to feel special every now and then, infact every day!
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For me, the post ought to be how to STOP saying./expressing that all the time because one of the major issues in our house is ” How to teach our children not to be too expressive with everybody… .either ways ” we also have a name for their love – Bhayankar prem!
Unlike other posts of yours my kids can definitely skip on this one :D
Jokes apart , its very important to express our love and care Vinay..it further replenish us and the receiver both . It also provides immediate happiness and positivity.. Life somehow seem less hard …hope is revived .To say this to some one is magical indeed… For the sayer and the listener both .
A lovely post!
I agree Kokila. Most times we tend to think that these are understood and people know our intentions. But truth is quite simply that people know only what we show them. Unless we show our love through actions or words, love becomes pretty internal and when it doesn’t really reach the person it is intended to, it kinda loses its purpose as well.
You could inspire me to go up and say “it” to “him”!
I would be really proud and happy to know if the post did that Anupama :)
A lovely post ..literally… :-) we need to express our love ..always..so that our loved ones can understand our feelings… :-)
Ha ha, thats a clever sharp wit Maniparna :). True, there is a lot to show when we do :)
it all depends upon the nature of that particular human being . there are the people who feel hesitation to express their feelings while some are very courageous in this matter.
I agree Yogi. I have been in both faces of the coin and I have realized that expressing goes a long way than being a little hesitant in that manner. Earlier I used to think that it was ok and people would understand. But then I realize even the most obvious things need to be told and need to be felt, it is just about getting ourselves ready and up to it :)
very nicely written. i agree that love should be expressed. when we can express our anger, why not love? though i believe that it can be expressed through actions, showing concern or appreciating the actions of your loved ones also, rather than saying “I love you” each time.
Thank you Ratna. That is a very fair logic. If we can express our anger, it means double the reason to express our love. Those beautiful humble feelings need an outlet and like you said it is in simple actions, it is in those words and also sometimes elaborate ones we can make a difference :)
this is wonderful! what a way to start my day!
Thank you Divsi :)
I believe in expressing emotions… be it love anger irritation or anything… if you want people to understand u better then you gotta show your real self… especially when you express love which is even understood otherwise will make the other person happy.. who knows how short our life is.. so tell everything when you can..not only my husband but I tell my dad my sister my friends that I love them…expressing doesn’t define a strong bond but if you share a strong bond then do tell it…
So true….better out than in I say :)
Bang on I say! :)
Thank you Shruti. The emotions are really beautiful, they are tender, they are soft and they are amazing in every way and they deserve to be propagated, to be conveyed, atleast to the people who mean a lot to us. Like you said, esp when you are in love communication is something which becomes extremely important, better an over communication than an under communication.
Like you said, just expressing doesnt make any difference, it has to be attached with meaning and when you mean what you say and feel it, gosh there is nothing like that! :)
Its makes me remind that i also rarely express my love towards my parents. Today we are so much busy in outside world and people with whom we work that we take our family members for granted.
The first think i will do today after reaching home is hug my mother.
Thank you my friend. I am really very happy seeing this. If an article can induce and action and a thought, we truly believe that the success of the article is achieved. Cheers mate, this makes our day! :)
Expressing love emotions with kith and kins is misconceived to be a sign of vulnerability. For some its hard to let down their guard and come off vulnerable (read as weak)…My parents never worded their love for us but I have always “always” made sure to express and vocalise our love for our son every possible opportunity in a day. I don’t blame my parents for not being expressive with us that way but I sure question them when I see that they can actually very well express and verbalise it with grand kids….Amazing how they change….
Thank you Vidhya :). I am completely with you on this. It is very difficult to understand why it is conceived as vulnerability. When I was a kid, my dad used to make sure to sing my praises to everyone around but not very often to me which made me wonder a lot of things. Maybe this explains it.
I think it is a very noble thing to do to express your love and emotions, not many people have that courage or conviction to do that. And most of those blessed few are stuck giving reasons while the rest are making significant leaps in the quality of life. I am very glad to hear that you do it consciously. It really is a beautiful thing :)
Vinay, you have the best topics :) ….Love reading many of your posts. Many are simple day to day things that folks can resonate with. Needless to mention your method of presenting with few drawings :) …. Would you mind if I write a post on the related lines? The essence will be the same but the presentation and contents will be in my style of writing (ONLY if you are ok)…..Of course will link to you as inspiration…after all your blog itself is inspire99… :)
Vidya that’s mighty sweet of you to say that. We just love the simple stuff here and more so love writing about it. Thank you for such lovely words. This is certainly the highlight of the day :)..
It would be lovely vidya, would love to read that article. More than eager to see a post in similar lines :)
wooooah, that was a quick response :) Thanks for your consent….drawing inspiration from your blog….how can I contact you offline? here is my email address – [email protected] … Looking for some tips on blogging … unrelated to this topic :)
Thanks Vidhya, really kind words indeed. I still have a long long way to start on :).. Happy to help in anyway I can.
I can be reached at [email protected] :)..
Look forward to syncing up with you :)
When u love someone express it :-D share your Lindts chocolates with them too :-D :-D
Ha ha ha.. Well that depends on how much ;) :D .. And it is not a fair game with the lindts at stake :P :D
I guess it has a lot to do with the cultural background also Vinay. I don’t remember my parents being overtly demonstrative of their affection. But now, since we are exposed to so much globalization, we have adapted our lifestyle in a way which is more encouraging in terms of being open for expression of love.
Yet again, you’ve written on a topic worth giving a thought to. And as usual, your post has given me more fodder for thought :)
I agree on this Vinodini. Culture does play a very significant role. I dont blame my parents, they would have picked it from theirs and they from theirs and so on.. Somewhere down the line I think we get that need and the feel to break that barrier of culture if and when we realize that it is holding us back. And the moment we make that shift, it becomes special for two reasons – one that love finds an outlet and two that we are not prisoners of our cultural tuning anymore and we get to control it..
Thank you Vinodini :). Always a very pleasant feeling to know that a post induces a thought process :)
This post certainly reminded me of Stevie WOnders number “I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU…..” it would be nice if everyone told the truth about their feelings for life would have been much more simplier :)
Great Post
Have a nice day :)
Aaah brilliant! I should watch that now.. True Veena, I have often wondered that. Life would have been so much simpler!
Good day! :)
I’m very vocal about how I’m feeling. While this works when I’m saying I love Mister, what happens when I’m upset is a completely different story. I think being vocal is really important in any relationship!
Ha ha, I hear you Anawni.. Emotions are sometimes a tricky thing, but they do make a lot of difference esp when vocalized :)
Ummm….you have made me think !!!
I guess my job is done Gaurab :)
My parents don’t tell that they love us… We haven’t been telling them too. My parents have not given us gifts on our B Days… But, we know that we love each others. It is the same case for my grandparents too… Their love is always expressed in action not in words…
Many couples break-up even after repeated ‘I love you’s and gifts… In fact, among most of today’s ‘I love you’ telling people, how many mean it really?
So, do we actually need to tell it?
In fact neither do my parents Sindhu and I guess that is fair and right to their perception and sometimes I dont find it wrong too. But I cant help but wonder and imagine what it would be like to express it. Love begets love, so do emotions. Silence sometimes ends up creating a barrier and that exists somewhere waiting to burst open. These little things of joy can make life so much simpler and sometimes elevated as well.
I see the point in people who just keep saying it and not meaning it at all. But I guess when it comes to the root of emotions, truth always triumphs and most times we are smart enough to make out the difference..
woly wonderful bro…really wonderful…blissful words..they were
Thank you Issac :)
I usually do so… It is always better to tell those persons that you love them, whom you love. I am not saying only about that particular love, but for all those people who you like, you can also let them know that you like them for this particular thing or things….
Nice Alok, people around you are lucky enough to be with you. I have often met people who end up saying ” Naah they will just take it the wrong way” and I have always been flabbergasted by that answer. There is nothing like sharing a sweet tender emotion :) . And there are so many beautiful ways to do that :)