There was a time when I used to hate talking to people, strangers, making an eye contact with them, trying to understand and relate to what they were saying and trying to figure out what I should be saying when they were saying that.
I wanted to have those conversations, I wanted to have such friends so that I could feel more connected and enhance the quality of my life. However I always seemed to have a reason holding me back, sometimes it would be saying that the other person had an attitude problem, some other time I was busy since I had personal work to attend to instead of trying to meet and socialize with friends, find an opportunity to make those new friends.
In short, I hated this shortcoming of mine, I didn’t want to wallow on it, I wanted to find a solution, I wanted people to like me better. And being a reader, the first thought that came to my mind was to pick up a book “How to win friends and influence people” which perhaps changed a few factors in a very significant way and of course went on to meet a lot of interesting people, face a lot of fearful challenges and above all find ways to make it work and I am very proud to actually say that I have found a way to.
For the question whether I am an introvert or not, I am not really sure as to how to answer. Sometimes I felt very comfortable being by myself where people around didn’t seem to matter, that stage I guess was a good stage of being an introvert.
The other part which longed to gel with people, try to understand and live with and along with them was a stage of being an extrovert which I wanted to be but found challenged quite a few times. But here were a few lessons from turning over to a new leaf of being an extrovert from an introvert
Smile
I do understand that it is the most commonly told tip which almost everyone tells you and I do know that you have a wonderful smile as well. Just find a way to get that out, in a non creepy way of course ;)
Take genuine interest
Being with a person is certainly not going to be about you, it is going to be a lot more about the other person that it is going to be about you.
You may ask me as to what you gain out of it, I am not going to give you answers like satisfaction and some other such silly sounding ones.
I am going to tell you that it makes you realize that everyone around has problems similar to you, some of which you can relate and if possible offer a helpful suggestion as well. It is more about relating to people.
Listen and Talk
I have seen people call themselves extroverts and it becomes so difficult to shut them up. I have often felt that I should stuff a cloth down their throat – atleast that way they will shut up a bit!
But more important than the talk in communication is the listening part which is our greatest clue as to what the emotions of your counterpart are, you are better equipped to handle it the moment you know what it is going to be about. (How to communicate)
Try to know the reason.
– If you think your being an introvert is causing you a lot of problems, perhaps it is time to look inside, to realize what made it all go wrong.
Was it the confidence, the language, knowledge, the feelings of fear, anxiety… and so on.. But try to point at what is bothering you and start acting right away.
A challenge is not going to fix itself; it is something we would need to work on.
How can you act on your challenges?
– Well! You don’t need a masterplan to make a shift from being an introvert to an extrovert. We are not going to promise you a magical formula where you can effect that change in a single day or the wink of an eye.
It is a challenge; it is going to take time from you being an introvert to someone who can start seeing some changes. But it is important to realize if there are some things you can do right away – those things where you can see some results, those things which are simple and easy, those things which don’t take too much of your effort to work.
Find those small things and work on them right away. Spray yourself with that bug of trying to find a solution through immediate action; it is a great one to have.
It is awesome, make a fool out of yourself!
– For most of us, one of the strongest reasons why we choose to be an introvert even if we don’t want to be is the fear as to how people might react to it. I promise you – People are not going to be supportive, not the least bit too.
What are you going to lose anyway, let them laugh – they have never known what you have been through and you need not tell them either. It is fun being wrong, making a fool out of yourself.
And it doesn’t take too much of work either, it just needs some action! (How to face an embarrassing situation)
Gratitude
I know that I try and sell this point each time I make an article. But that is also perhaps cos of the reason that this happens to be one of the most important one.
You are very gifted to become who you are and have those amazing dreams of what you want to be. All of these deserve a pat on the back, esp when you have gone through so much! (Why should I be thankful?)
And after everything, it is not about being hating an introvert and it also doesn’t mean that you have achieved something extraordinary in life by being an extrovert. It just about an introvert who doesn’t want to miss out on being an extrovert!
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Very much relatable.
‘For the question whether I am an introvert or not, I am not really sure as to how to answer.’ I doubt this about myself too.
‘Sometimes I felt very comfortable being by myself where people around didn’t seem to matter, that stage I guess was a good stage of being an introvert.’ I feel the same.
But guess what? I am kind of happy being an introvert. I take a lot of time to start talking. So people initially think that I’m silent. I love to see their face when they see the real me :P
I do have problems being an introvert, but I don’t think it is that important. :)
Thank you Ranjini. I have a huge amount of respect for both the introverts and the extroverts. But I also think that there is a beauty in flexibility of switching to both. Intrinsically I guess even I have to define myself an introvert. But when I am with people I really like to be an extrovert. Kinda ironic isn’t it? :) ..
I think you hit the nail on the mark in this reply – Being very comfortable being yourself around people. I think it is a beautiful gift and a wonderful attitude to have. :)
Thank you for response, it really means a lot to evoke a discussion on these innate thoughts, it kinda keeps the excitement and the quest of knowing more about people going :)
I believe being an introvert is not a challenge as it is made out to be. I am one and not embarrassed to admit it. Introverts are good listeners and connect with their friends at a higher emotional level. They spend much time in introspection and need more ‘me time’ than extroverts. Although there is no clear demarcation between introversion and extroversion, and people are generally ambiverts, yet introverts like to find strength in solitude after donning the hat of an extrovert.
I recommend the book ‘Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ by Susan Cain for every person who has been mocked for her/his nature. You will feel rejuvenated and will be proud to be who you are!
Thank you Myrtle. Sorry if I have conveyed it too strongly here, I never meant to hint it against the introvert. The idea of the post was a choice to shift between the two when it is convenient and the flexibility for each individual to make that stretch. Even today I believe that when it comes to a lot of things I am an introvert and every introvert is certainly an extrovert when it comes to certain other things.
My thought was – wont it be magical to be an introvert when we want to and be an extrovert when we want to? It would certainly open up a lot of the world for each one of us.
Thank you for the recommendation, I would love to pick up that book. I shall update you soon as I read it :).. have a lot of catching up to do on some really great books :)
Yeah, please do read the book. It deals with the issues you’ve mentioned.
Well you don’t have to stop being an introvert I feel. Have you read the book ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain?
Amit, thank you for the thoughts. I haven’t come across that book, it would be interesting to read though..
I agree, being an introvert is not bad at all. I like to shift between the two sometimes and I also love a few moments where I am an introvert. It’s just that knowing that we can have a flexibility to be either of the two, taking the best of the two is quite an amazing feeling. That way, we don’t have to worry about missing out on something :)
Yes ! Vinay you are an ambivert ! Just like me. :)
:) .. Thats a nice coinage. Thanks Amit :)
Hahahaha…I can actually count the number of funny incidents on fingers that helped me out in overcoming my so called weakness of being introvert and Yes now I can say that I am better than before….:D. I can relate all the pointers with an unforgettable story of mine. Good Post and beautifully expressed….:)
He he :D . Kindly do share the laughter Priya, would love to hear those experiences :) .. I am glad to know that it makes you relate to your personal experiences. Would love to hear about them :)
I was an introvert..still now I find it difficult to find a topic while communicating with some stranger…but if there is a bit of enthusiasm from the opposite side..things become easier for me..for I’m not shy..
Good points again there in your article.. :-)
Being an introvert is a nice feeling Maniparna, I used to be so much of an introvert and then the shift was when I decided that I don’t want to miss out on the other side of life. Now I realize it is beautiful at both ends, both of them come with great stuff and some challenges as well. But if we are able to pick the best of the both, it is an amazing life indeed :)
Yes..absolutely…everything has it’s advantage and disadvantage… :-)
:)
Amazing…the first para stating problem is same as mine..very introvert & losing almost all things because of less-talky nature..I guess this’ld be of use for me…TFS (:
Thank you Akrati :). I am glad to know that you relate to the post. These were the thoughts from my personal experience and they did really make a huge difference for me. Hope they are of good use to you as well :)
Good read. I am an Extrovert myself but my hubby is an introvert so we get on very well.
That’s actually a lovely match Nima. Looks like you guys have hit the right chord :)
Nice post
Thank you nazneen :)
Nice one, I have always been an extrovert, I think I am the one whose throat you wanna stuff with that cloth.. hehe …but it was nice to know the story and qualms of an introvert..
Though I am an extrovert, I am not looking for listeners(introverts). I totally enjoy the company of extroverts, they have a lot to talk about they have interesting information and they keep the conversation going on.
Ah but I have turned many introverts into extroverts … introverts are amazing people, they are mostly intelligent as their energy is more channelized and they have a unique view point on things. So… basically I ask them the right questions, mostly open ended, they have knowledge so they start talking and share it ..then I asked more questions and keep adding dimensions ..and BINGO! We are in conversation!
Thank you Jyoti, to a certain extent I envy you now. I always wanted to be an extrovert or the perception of an extrovert, but somehow felt challenged at every act of mine. But then I guess that’s how we learn right, make mistakes over and over again till we are bored to the core and then make a shift :) ..
I couldn’t agree more, Introverts are amazing people which goes on to stipulate how amazing I can be ;) :D … He he, humour aside, I think both the introverts and extroverts have an amazing quality about them, they are brilliant people and they have ways of projecting it out. And it is perfect, the way to identify the right question. I have always thought that each person is a talkative one, we just need to ask the right questions and like you said – Bingo, it is a conversation. So nice to see your views Jyoti, I love the discussions after an article, it makes the lines of thoughts much vivid and clearer :)
Really man! You nailed it! It felt like i was reading about my feelings or this post belongs to me. Each and every point of your can be very easily related to me. Thanks for such a lovely article. :)
Thank you Shubhanshu :). Very glad to hear that the post made you relate to it. It was all a set of ideas and challenges when I tried to make that shift. Even today I am not sure if I am an introvert or an extrovert, but something I have learnt about myself is that I have the flexibility to be both which is pretty cool actually :)
Points are acceptable, but what’s the harm in being an introvert…???
Afterall…An introvert is not an introvert with all…
I agree Sarabjeet, there is nothing wrong in being an introvert as long as we are comfortable with it. Hence the last paragraph which says –
“And after everything, it is not about being hating an introvert and it also doesn’t mean that you have achieved something extraordinary in life by being an extrovert. It just about an introvert who doesn’t want to miss out on being an extrovert!”
Ha I relate to this….was born a bit of an introvert but slowly transitioned into an extrovert. Well, there’s advantages and disadvantages in both and I conveniently change my demeanor as and when it becomes favorable for me ;)
Interesting read!
Thank you Vinodini :). Well I guess that makes two of us. In the same boat. I have loved the journey for the shift, it brings in that great seanse of growth. I still prefer to be an introvert in certain occasions and in certain others just be as gregarious as possible. I think the best part is to know that we are capable of stretching on either fronts :)
I relate with what you have written i am kinda shy too but neverthless a greta post to read see i am smiling :-D:-D
Thank you Juhi :). I guess we all have that inherent shyness in us, it is about how much it serves us and makes us better. And if it is being a hindrance, sometimes it is also about trying to generate a flexibility which can serve us and bring out a greater set of opportunities.
Good pointers
Thanks Lance :)
:)really helpful for me…but still i donno what bothering me…:)
Ha ha, then you are a blessed soul Remya, I guess I am the only one with something or the other bothering me over and over again ;)
The points are brilliant Vinay. :) Experimenting with what you can do when you are out there teaches you a lot. Almost everything start from us for what we want to do about it!
Thank you Yamini, nice to see your thoughts :). Experimentation is a great gift, unfortunately we haven’t found a way to do it with lab rats for emotions and behaviors but we can certainly try it on ourselves. It sure is a lot of fun :)
Being shy is different..
great post Vinay
Also, if you can find some time just go through this article..
Thank you Veena :). Thanks for sharing the article, Veena my comment filter is automatically hoisting anything with a hyperlink as spam. Kindly do share without the hyperlink so that I can access the same.
Ditto was the case with me too, and I am really glad to read this blog of yours Vinay. I think all the points which you mentioned in this post is really helpful. Especially smile is something which will definitely help you to stop being an introvert :)
Thank you Alok, it means a lot to me :). I am glad to hear that you were able to relate to the points. I guess experience does teach us a lot of things and it is certainly fun to write about them. I did enjoy writing this article quite a bit, I was way too groggy and sleepy when I wrote it but it feels like it was really worth it :)
How to stop being an introvert? http://t.co/NDantmxjNp