Happy people focus on what they have, unhappy people focus on what’s missing

Happy people focus on what they have: There’s always a mental debate between what we have and what we don’t. Usually, what we don’t have wins over what we don’t have. We thus end up spending most of our time thinking about what we don’t have. This naturally causes restlessness, anxiety, anger, helplessness and a whole host of other emotions. All these emotions tell us the same thing – that we want what we don’t have. However, happiness is in direct conflict with this feeling of what we don’t have. Our mind tells us if only we have all these things we can be happy.

It is easy to be happy if we know where this happiness comes from. It comes from a feeling of abundance, being at peace with what we have. One of the most common things people tell us is to find gratitude in all the things that we have. Although this is a beautiful advice, it is hard to follow it because we constantly will keep thinking about the frustrations in life. And naturally being grateful in such circumstances is not easy.

So, the alternative question to ask is – how can we be happy even amidst the scenario when we don’t have a few things that we are aspiring for.

Happy people focus on what they have Meaning

What does it mean when we say, happy people focus on what they have? It sounds obvious – if we foucus on what we don’t have, we will naturally feel sad. If we however focus on what we have, we feel happy. Truth is, none of us can stay in either of the two zones. Truth about happiness depends on which of these two sides we stay longer. The meaning of happy people focus on what they have can be extended to think about the number of times these people find solace in satisfaction in the things they have.

Focusing on what we don’t have makes us sad

When we are unhappy or restless, it asks us to look for the reason of this unhappiness. Most commonly the reasons point to the things that have not happened or the experiences that we desired for which haven’t been met. In other words, it starts from a place of paucity with a feeling that something is missing. This is one of the first things to beat if we want to be happy and content with life.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Being content is difficult. Comparison is the thief of joy as it prevents your happiness by comparing yourself to someone else who has it and telling you that you don’t. Immediately your challenge of happiness is exacerbated by comparison which makes it worse for you. Instead of focusing on how to achieve our needs, we now have a new problem called competition. But happy people focus on what they have. (Don’t compare your beginning to Someone else’s middle)

Inspiration: Happy people focus on what they have

What do you get by focusing on what you have? – Perspective! Unhappiness blinds our vision into thinking only about the things that we don’t have. This causes us to think about this so much that it starts becoming an everyday part of our lief. Our desires should motivate us, make us think beyond our limitations and ask us to go forward. But these aspirations coming jealousy, anger and frustration sully this positive experience of motivation with something poisonous.

So, the first thing we get by focusing on what we have, is perspective. This perspective helps us identify things as they are. It challenges our narrative About only the things that are missing. Instead, it helps us identify that we also have things That can give us comfort and happiness. The first step to allaying these feelings of restlessness and anxiety is by being true to ourselves.

This doesn’t mean that we compromise our desires, standards and motivations to do something beyond what we have. It only redirects our motivation to start from a place of happiness and calm instead of restlessness, frustration and anger. Hence the phrase – happy people focus on what they have.

Happy people, Gratitude for what we have

Another element this quote makes us think about is the level of gratitude that we have for our life. It is often said that the secret of happiness is in having gratitude for what we have. This reinforces the thinking of the quote – happy people focus on what they have. The gratitude makes us think that life has given us a lot and makes us realise and reflect on what we have.

However, please note that this comes with a fair bit of balance. You can’t always focus on what you don’t have to a detrimental effect. Remember, your emotions are there to help you – not to harass you. No one is 100% happy or unhappy. We all have moments which define these experiences and emotions for us. Don’t mistake these moments as permanent feelings. Try to listen to both these emotions and what they are trying to tell you.

Unhappy people focus on what is missing

This is the quickest route to unhappiness, frustration and feeling helpless. This eventually leads to anxiety and in some worse cases depression. The problem with this is that it creates a different filter for our life and amplifies the negative. It tells us a lie that this is what life is all about. It doesn’t let you think of anything else or challenge your perception with an opposing viewpoint.

This can be a never-ending abyss. We don’t want something like that ruining our happiness. Hence the phrase – unhappy people focus on what is missing. What is missing is always available and so is focusing on what we have. It all starts from a decision of being true to ourselves.

What if we feel unhappy?

Our emotions are a beautiful guide to what we’re feeling at any point in time. The society and peers influence us by telling what we should feel. In this process, we lose out something very important – the ability to listen to our own emotions. We don’t live life by anyone’s standards. The same applies for your definition of happiness. It is and should be different from others. And if someone tells you to feel happy about what you have, then you have every right to ignore them and focus on what your mind is telling you.

There is nothing wrong in feeling sad. We don’t have to force the joy out of our life. In fact, forcing ourselves to feel happy when we don’t have an adverse effect and causes more pressure. We must find a way to be true to our feelings and express emotions as they come. We cannot develop denial and call that a strategy to manage our frustrations.

However, we can challenge some of these feelings and identify if it’s true or our mind is making a big deal out of it. If we take a leaf from the book of happy people who focus on what they have – we can take a perspective in life that what we do with what happens to us or who we are is more important. It awakens a sense that we can deal with life no matter what it shows out to be.

Dealing with the feeling of what’s missing

I don’t want to preach you to not focus on what you don’t have. Like I said, what you don’t have also tells you that your mind is desiring something. Instead of lamenting or feeling bad about something you don’t have, your best results are in finding a way to achieve these things.

The emotion has done its job, it has told you what the mind is asking for. It is now upto you to decide what you want to do about it. Your choices are:

• Ignore it like the society asks you and find a way to feel happy. In other words – Compromise
• Be curious and ask yourself why do you want this and how it makes you feel
• Also ask – is the demand reasonable? And even if it is not, ask why you want this so badly
• Finally, look at what you can do to get there. It might not be a simple task, but yet there might be a way if you look deep enough.

I want to challenge the quote by saying – you ought to focus on what you don’t have as well. Don’t force your mind to feel something it doesn’t. The mind doesn’t work that way. Instead, listen to your emotions and focus these energies on doing something about it.

Happy people focus on what they have and recognise what to be grateful for

While I stand by the above explanation, I’d also like to point out that we can’t ignore the emotions about things we have. Our minds are focused on the next best thing in life. And often the mind responds to pain of not having something vs the satisfaction of having something. All I’m saying is – it is fine to be dissatisfied with a few things, but it is not fine to be miserable about it.

The feeling of misery doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t help you solve the problem either. The best way you can do that is by ensuring that you celebrate for what you have. In here, the focus of discussion is happiness. You can still be dissatisfied, but find a way to be happy about things. At any point – your life is a representation of all the work you’ve done until now. If you aren’t proud or happy about the things that have led you here, you’re doing yourself a great disservice. In other words, you’re being unfair on yourself.

I don’t buy into the philosophy of being sad all the time to get attention from yourself. That’s not the way – your best results are in listening to your emotions respectfully and finding a route to achieve your results. It will be difficult but that’s where you have the happiness – happy people focus on what they have.

“Happy People Focus On What They Have,Unhappy People Focus On What Is Missing”

References:

• https://www.countryliving.com/life/g4815/happy-life-quotes/
• https://www.stylist.co.uk/health/mental-health/emotional-judgement-wellbeing/637605