“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
-Stephen Covey
Oh yes!! I have met people who love to talk and hardly listen! A couple of days ago I met my once upon a time college crush (Not anymore :) ) we spent some time talking…Wait! To be specific he did the talking! No complaints! He is charmer (only when he is silent!) I couldn’t ignore noticing the usage of I in his sentences… It was more of sentences with repeated I’s in it. I still remained a patient listener (I had met him after a long time and I had to tolerate his I’s!) He asked me a few times as to why I didn’t talk, with much difficulties I found a few opportunities to talk but after some time it was all about him. Again! I felt as if he asked me to talk so that he could find something out of it to speak about. I don’t understand how would he do that? He would easily convert my share of talks to his and it would be he who would talk again (highly skilled!) Thank god! He was just a crush :)
Have you come across people who talk more than they listen? Or are you the one who talks more? I will admit it! I have faked to be a great listener a couple of times before in order to impress people. I was an expert in nodding head and faking a smile (c’mon I was young and didn’t know how to communicate :) ) All I knew was to try to be a good listener. Sometimes people would believe me despite my faking and would continue talking to me…when this would happen I would commit the most stupid mistake of talking unrelated things. I can shortly say I imaged what all I could say when the person talked to me and uttered few words and would later be in an embarrassing situation realizing “Oh! If only I listened better!” Oh how can I miss the topic of argument! When I argued with friends and family I would think of the things I would say paying least attention to the other person’s point and perspective. No wonder I was horrible at arguing (even today I am no good at it but I atleast listen before I speak :) )
I was growing up and couldn’t put myself in an embarrassing situation often so thought why not read How To Win Friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie. This book was the perfect medicine. I learnt the importance of listening and the need for good communication. Today I can proudly say I am way better than I was before.
How often we meet people who use the word I more than necessary? Have you noticed people trying hard to find topics to talk or blankly listen to you in order to reply and shower their generous thoughts? How often do you notice people making fools of them talking unrelated things? I notice often, in fact I was one of this kind :)
Communication is a beautiful art, easily accessible by all, it has certain rules to make the best out of it. I am sure listening is definitely one among the list, it has the higher priority. Better listeners are always better speakers. It’s ok if you don’t have world’s best knowledge to impress or you don’t have topics to talk about but what surprises you is the hundreds of topics you get to talk about if you listen to the other person and when you can relate to the other person’s talks and emotions and reciprocate, you win their hearts and they would want to talk to you again and again.
Everybody loves talking and very few know the importance of listening. I cannot be guilty enough of trying to do the same. But now I have another question on my mind before I like to open my mouth to talk, I try to see where this talk is leading me to. If it is somewhere where it could benefit me, I am going to go ahead with it, if not, I guess it is a great sense of thrill to hold ourselves back from our temptations :)
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I can’t talk a lot…especially I’m short of topics when it comes to phone conversation..but yes, I love to listen to people…:-) ..and that book from Carnegie is still selling like hot cakes… :-D …nicely discussed Vidya… :-)
PS. The quote sounds damn true !
I talk less and love listening……btw,good post Vinay :)
Thank you Susmita :). Glad you liked the post. Good listeners are always a joy to talk to, I promise you that I have more and more stories coming ;).. I love talking btw.. A lot :P :D
So true. It gets so frustrated at one point that I began to see writing letters as a good solution to the problem.
But that worsened the situation.
As those who listen with an no intent to understand but solely to justify, get so anxious to reply that they often leave your letters half read (or half understood).
Thank you SK :). He he, I think when it comes to writing, people have a longer association with words, esp when you write something on a tone which makes a stronger impact on the person. It is quite a delicate matter, the communication bit. I think it is something which keeps reinventing itself and makes sense over and over again depending on the varied circumstances..
The justification part is really quite a pain and it is hard to understand why people tend to take it so personally. But that unfortunately does happen!!
I am a good listener but i can do the talking when called for..
Great Post Vinay :)
Thank you Veena. That reminds me of a quote which says – Expand by demand, or standing up to the situation when it demands :) .. It is quite a skill to have :)
I’m a talker only to a very few, for the rest I’m a listener.. Again, the starting quote is just perfect.. :)
Thank you Lance.. I think that is a great way to deal with things.. Not everyone deserves our talks and sometimes not everyone deserves our listening too .. We probably just have to pick and choose properly :)
Yes, we must choose wisely though.. :)
::) Indeed Lance :)
Who are you? A talker? Or a listener? http://t.co/wM1l9dO5fo