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How to deal with failure: This article debates various approaches to how to deal with failure. Most times, we connect failure to pain, shame and unhappiness. But there’s more value to failure and fear than we give. Instead of being afraid of the F word, we must find the best way to deal with it.

Remember, your approach is personal. The best thing you can do with failure is to find the most practical way to use it. Let’s try to do that while trying to understand a few other things. In the past, I’ve talked about failure as an opportunity and feedback. It sounds theoretical, but it is more important to understand what failure means to you personally.

Some of the things I’d like to debate in this article are:

• What is the meaning of failure?
• How to deal with failure?

What is the meaning of failure?

Let’s not jump straight into blame and accusation. We quickly assign blame and start identifying reasons to blame. But that’s not what a failure wants from you. Failure is an innocent message, feedback. Let’s stop being afraid of it. Instead, just listen to what it is trying to tell you. What is the meaning of this failure to you?

Although it’s tempting to say that failure is the end of the world – our world is far more beautiful than a few events. It is a poor worldview if only a few successes or failures define us.

Ok, what does this failure mean to you? Think of all the words that come to your mind – don’t ignore or judge. But just put them all somewhere. What are these words trying to tell you?

I love playing the role of an observer – it clearly tells you to step away from the situation and identify what the outcome means. (Related reading: Wikipedia on Failure)

Analyze the meaning of failure

Failure will only mean that something went wrong. The size of failure determines how slow we’ve been to react to feedback. While observing the meaning of failure, we tend to focus too much on our emotions rather than objectively analysing them. Failure just like any other feedback asks you to introspect, understand and change your approach.

In other words, failure doesn’t tell you that you’re bad or incapable. Failure tells you that something is not working and you must make a change. Don’t ask – why me? Instead, ask what it means and explore the various meanings it can take.

Dealing with failure is not about just distracting yourself. You have to face the failure, understand its meaning and use it to succeed. The questions that can help you with that are:

• What can I change to achieve my goals?
• How can I use this as an opportunity?
• What is the failure trying to tell me?

It’s always easy to blame others. You can spend your entire life blaming the world, but successes or failures are entirely your own responsibility. You can say that life is not fair, but it’s a complete waste of energy

Paulo Coelho

Understand the alternative meanings of failure

Failure is never isolated. Most events have more than one meaning in our life. Failure doesn’t mean that you’re bad or incapable. Try to find out the hidden meanings. . Once you get over the immediate hurt about failure, identify what else this failure can mean to you.

If want to deal with failure, you must focus on finding a solution. Of course, you ought to find where something went wrong. After that, avoid the tempting feeling to blame someone. Get over your ego and face the problem head on. (Related reading: Meaning of failure)

Failure can mean both good and bad. Start with acceptance and then find out what you can do about it.

Find out how you can use this failure

Our first reacction to failure is disappointment and sadness. But if you want to deal with failure, you must take a further step. Failure can come up as a beautiful opportunity. Remember the quote from Henry Ford – Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently

The failure may give you unwelcome news and feedback. But failure isn’t your enemy. It is a friend trying to tell you something. A rejection is not a denial. Think of the additional opportunities this failure can give you. It doesn’t come up at first, but if you focus enough, I’m sure you can find opportunities to exploit.

Find motivation to get back from failure

To deal with failure, you must find sources of motivation to inspire you. We talked briefly about motivation vs inspiration – failure can mask your intrinsic inspiration momentarily. So, find a way to motivate yourself.

The best way to do this is by identifying people who’ve gone through something similar. Your problems are never unique, there must be someone who has faced an identical situation. Be curious and find out how they approached their failure.

Don’t be with people who sympathize – it doesn’t give you results. Find a way to be with people who can inspire and motivate you.

Define success and failure clearly

Failure cannot be single result. In getting to your failure, you’ll have faced some successes and some feedback. It is wrong to think of failure as a single activity. Failure, like success is a combination of various activities. I love this quote about success by John Wooden

Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming

John Wooden quote on success

To answer this question – how to deal with failure? – you must identify all the small events that have led you to success or failure. Don’t fall into the trap of blaming the final outcome. Failure happens much before the final result and so does success. Your process, definining milestones and metrics create a way to measure and track your journey.

Don’t fall into the sympathy trap

If you want to deal with failure – make sure that you keep it personal. Share your success and failure, results, etc. But don’t be swayed by the definitions of success or failure. They’re often wrong and not relevant to this generation. People have the tendency to impse their metrics of success on you. If you want to deal with failure, they will leave you alone.

Failure is a lonely journey. But isn’t that the right way? After all, it is your personal journey. No one will bear responsibility for your failure. Success can attract false friendships, but failure makes you face reality. So, just go out and face it. Learn what it is telling you and don’t fall into the trap of what everyone tells you.

Learn from the feedback of failure

You can’t let a good failure go to waste. Your solutions lie in utilising outcomes from a failure to achieve what you want.

If you have a failure and are finding ways to deal with it, identify the lessons it has brought along. What can you use from these lessons in your new approach?

A failure is nothing more than feedback or outcome. If you treat this objectively, you can find ways to get this failure to help in your quest. Don’t fall trapped into the belief that most people tell you to. Instead, focus on changes and influences to strategy and approach which can help you to deal with failure better.

Break your approach into small successes

Success and failure are long-term projects. They are not things that give you quick gratification. A negative frame of mind will not help you define constructive strategies. If you want to know how to deal with failure, find out the things which give you immense happiness and fulfilment.

Find time in your day to do these things which can make you happy. Distractions or drugs are not allowed – they are terrible ways to deal with failure. Instead, face what you have and take control of what you need to do. Don’t fall prey to the common messages advertising tells you.

Use your opportunities cleverly to create a path for success. Your answer to the question of how to deal with failure is closer than you think. It starts with you taking control and acknowledging the outcomes. Acceptance followed by active action can make a tremendous difference in your approach to dealing with failure.