How I Met Your Mother: Revenge!
Television series like F.R.I.E.N.D.S and How I Met Your Mother have never failed to teach me emotional values. One of the recent lessons was from the above line. I could totally relate to it as I did the same and do it unknowingly sometimes even today. I guess we all have come across that one person whom we don’t want to meet often. May be we are affected by the way they treat, by the way they speak or by the way they make us feel.
Who is in your pit?
Certain people bring you pleasure every time you meet them and certain others make you feel “How I wish I didn’t meet him!” You are sad, disappointed, irritated, annoyed, frustrated or angry by a few people and those are the ones who disturb you. He might be your uncle who unnecessarily advises you on your career, he might be your boss who never agrees with you, or your friend who hurt you or that one person who never miss an opportunity to show you down. Think of that one person whose words, action affect you.
How do we feel putting them in a pit?
It creates a sense of satisfaction to put someone who is negatively affecting you deep down in your mind and curse them, hate them and think of all the things you can do to them for being mean to you.
What do we do later?
We have different ways of exhibiting our emotions when we come across people like this. A few of us avoid them. Standing them would be one impossible thing to do. A few might fight with them to show them they are wrong and a few would want to do the same to them to make them realize how it feels. May be disrespect them the way they disrespected you. Hurt the one who hurt you. Why should you alone suffer?
Why do we do it?
We want them to know how bad they make us feel when they criticize us every time, when they make fun of us, when they condemn us.We want them to go through the same pain we undergo when they betrayed us, disrespected us. . We want to tell them they are disturbing, they are senseless, they are stupid and so arrogant. We don’t want them to repeat their actions again and upset our minds.
How it actually affects?
Every time you think about them you feel angry. Every time you meet them you dislike them more than before. That’s the impact they left on you. Did you ever think what if you stopped them? Imagine how stressful your mind becomes. You fill it with anger, revenge, and depression. The pain you are giving to yourself is more than the pain they created. You are thinking it over and over wasting all the time, energy. More than anything you are letting them to control your mind, your actions and emotions. Everything you do would be either to avoid them or to teach them a lesson. You are letting that one person who troubles you the most take away your peace. If you are letting that one person affect you so much then don’t you think the pit you dug all these days was for yourself.
What if you are already in the pit?
Only one person who can let you out of the pit is YOU. Come out. Make yourself stronger. Believe no one can make you feel bad without your consent. People hurt you, irritate you and annoy you that’s OK they don’t have direct access to your mind without your consent.
What can you do?
When you see people who aren’t willing to stop their practices let them do it. If you struggle hard to stop one, the other will be ready to start at you. I believed avoiding such people was the perfect way. I observed every time I avoided them I scarified my comfort. I spent a lot of time in thinking of the ways to avoid them. I could feel that mental stress thinking what to do and how to do. Today I say it’s better to avoid their words affecting you than to avoid the person totally.
I tried to bark at them. I did a couple of times and guess what happened, some stopped and some of them barked back louder than before. Somehow it didn’t make me feel good about the behaviour of both.
I tried ignoring them. This turned out to be a better solution. Just smile and nod your head. Sing la la la in your mind. If they are adamant don’t make an effort to make them understand. Stay calm and nod your head.
Or try this. Try forgiving them. See them as the poor souls who find happiness by ill-treating others. Have some mercy on them :) start forgiving them. Don’t expect an apology. It looked funny for the first two times when I tried but it feels good to ignore and forgive because a few people don’t really understand the way to treat people.
You cannot stop people hurting you, disrespecting you or criticising you. The only thing you can do is to stop them affecting you.
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Thank you Priyashi :). I guess no matter where we are in our lives, there will always be people who find something wrong with what we do. Granted , it does feel like going and punching their nose, I somehow realize of late that it is a huge drain of energy and we cannot avoid them. Best thing to do is probably find a way to live with it.
Thank you Athena :). I am glad to know that you are liking them. Will keep them coming your way :)
Thank you Nozzer :). You said it, NO ONE CAN UPSET US WITHOUT OUR CONSENT! I guess sometimes the world does revolve around us, if not the entire globe, atleast our world does :) ..
Well for the masters, a bow to them, for the others, I guess they deserve a second or third chance :)
Thank God Vinay! I am finally able to comment on the post!… Nice as always … One query -what should we do when we can see that the person is meticulously digging a pit for me and I can’t help except going in that pit all with all the grace I can muster?
Thank you Kokila :). Oh sorry! Apologies for the inconvenience. The site had hit some technical issues Yday, hopefully we have solved it now :).
That’s a nice question Kokila. Well in that case, I think you should let him or her do it and keep doing what you find is right. There is no way some people would believe you no matter what you do, If they are closed that way, it is completely their burden, we can cajole, we can request and we can even do good things but we can’t make everyone see our point of view. For those guys,, better leave them alone and be your own nice self. Be good to them not cos they deserve it but cos you are good. Do good not cos they benefit from it but cos you feel good about it.
Sometimes I think life becomes all about us and the rest of them are simply there sometimes to add value and sometimes not to. We just have to pick and choose gracefully :)
Thanks Vinay :) you are right ..its the the best way… cribbing and whining actually saps out our positive energy and happiness… thanks again :)
Thank you Kokila :). Indeed, it is our energy and our experience which matter a little more than the situation sometimes. Makes us feel a little more at home :)
The funniest thing is that many of these may fail when confronted with actual situations. For example, how does one deal with a situation in which a false religious leader takes over his firm in the name of religion and swindles people? Exceptional case, it may appear to be. But such instances abound these days.
Thank you Matheikal :). It perhaps does, but the beauty is that like anything else in the world thought building too is a habit. I am sure when we do something like this, perhaps set a pit for someone and expect them to be there, we end up thinking that would be the end of it, never offering them an opportunity to come out of it. Or rather never offering ourselves an opportunity to do that. But the moment we realize and make it a part of us, life starts propelling in a new direction altogether.
As for situation you mentioned, those leaders or the swindlers perhaps need to prove themselves, perhaps they are capable of that change too. And since they have done so much to lose trust, perhaps the only way for them is try to do a lot more good. I am sure we can find people like that all through our history..
How about the ones who have transformed a lot of lives including theirs, how about the famous philosopher Dr.Seuss who never really liked children or rather was afraid of them, how about Einstein who didnt speak till he was 4?
I think people are capable of a lot of qualities in life, the more we define them, the less they can do for us, the more we open up, more we have to rejoice :) ,
Hey Vinay, nice post. I do agree with whatever you said and especially the point “Certain people bring you pleasure every time you meet them and certain others make you feel “How I wish I didn’t meet him!””
But I guess you made some issue with the blog design? It is not looking good now.
Thank you Alok for the honest feedback. It is very hard to get an honest thought on appearance. Thanks for the update. I have changed the colors now.. Does it look better? Or is there something I am missing?
Very true that you can only stop them to affecting you :)
Thank you Hemu :). True, it is always us who can make the real difference :)
Yeah i remember that episode its quite hilarious as well as insightful. And i must say, you always pick an insightful stuff of our day to day life and beautifully carve a post that explains its over all implications, causes, even symptoms and many times solutions. Good Job!
Thank you Lata for such kind words. There seems to be a lot of beauty around and these guys while making a sitcom put so much thought into it and the various meanings it can take is something that fascinates us and we love writing about it :).
I am really glad to know that you like these posts, will keep them coming and hopefully with time to come start offering more varieties as well :)