Has this ever happened to you? You are driving on the legal side of the road, a person from the opposite end comes pacing against you, completely in the wrong direction, completely illegal, you make way for him and he starts shouting at you! And you look at him helplessly with an urge to shout back or a confused expression or a thought as to how to react to it?
Or how about this, you are in a shopping mall, waiting your turn for the billing thinking about something when someone behind you pushes you back to reality or someone cuts you across in a queue you had been waiting for so long to get something you wanted?
In other words, I call them bullies! How do you respond to your bullies? What do you do when someone bullies you? How do you avoid being bullied repeatedly, if not by the same person, a new one each time?
1) I will show him who the bully is!!
This will work only if you are stronger than the bully and you have considerable support to back you up. There is no way a bully is going to stop as long as he thinks that he is going to win
2) I am going to win him with love
It might work if you are really pretty and those puppy dog eyes can search for a kindness in his heart and he/she makes way for you. Now now, don’t call me a hypocrite, I am just extending the Freudian metaphor.
This might actually work if you are able to convince the bully that it is not nice to do what he/she is doing
3) I will tell him what is right!
Well this is perhaps the middle ground where you try to be assertive about yourself. For example when someone cuts you in a line you can always say “Sir I have been waiting in the line and it is my turn”. Sometimes people tend to be bullies without even knowing they are. Sometimes all they need is someone standing up to them and standing up to their own selves and telling what is right, of course in a delicate way
4) What if they keep picking on you!
Well this means that they have found a target and will keep doing this until they find a deterrent or a newer target. The option might be to help him find a newer target but that is not going to help you much. The only way out is to tell him that you do not appreciate being treated like this and there might be a few consequences if he doesn’t buckle down. The consequences might be the school principal or the office manager or the person’s parents, but there should be something that the bully is afraid of.
5) How about ignorance?
Well that might work for a few cases, esp when someone is doing it repeatedly just to unsettle you. The more you don’t react, the more they get irritated and since they do not have an incentive to carry on with the bullying, they would eventually stop. This however might not work on a one time occurrence when someone is taking advantage of your good nature.
6) Forgive and forget
Well this is for us to feel like we are the better person! If you think you can live with it and tell yourself that it is ok and you don’t feel bad about it, then go ahead, this is best course of action. But mind you, you are not allowed to feel bad about your inaction
7) I’ll get to the bottom of this
In this case you try and understand why he does what he does, if there is a challenge he is suffering from. Maybe this way you are able to help him and he becomes your friend. This is the law of fraternity!
8) I’ll show him a nice gesture
Here you will do something nice for him, hoping that he would return the favour and do something nice in return. It is a very smart thing to do, however you have to find the right nerve for that to happen.
9) I’ll make him my friend
Smart again, for that you would have to identify what you two have in common and then try building a base of friendship. This can definitely work very well provided you have the patience for it.
10) I’ll change him into a good man!
Well this is a very noble thing to do. I can promise you that it takes time and of course a lot of energy and emotions as well. Personally, I am not sure if I have that much in me to make that difference :D
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Mostly ignore, forgive and forget,,, that’s what i prefer to do Vinay :)
Perfect Bushra, nothing better than ignorance sometimes. A bully when he realizes that there is no reaction is bound to stop sometime and sometime soon :)
Nice blog!
I have applied pretty much every way mentioned, but the sheer no. of people that I have to handle on a day-to-day basis on every step of my life just sucks the energy out of me.
Because, we are too huge in numbers:
Thank you Venkat :). I agree, sometimes in that case nothing works better than ignorance. Too much of energy would be expended on such bullies and they really dont deserve it!
I don’t take very kindly to bullying, to be honest. I was bullied all the time as a kid and was really meek. Now that I’m all grown up, I take the direct route: I see what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work, so stop. That seems to work all the time :-)
Thank you :). That’s a nice assertion Ana, most people respond to strength and the moment they realize that you are strong, they dont come in the way and they go on picking up on someone else they could take advantage of. I guess that is why it is called pick on someone your own size!
Look at the person bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard.Great writing..
Good Day :)
That’ll work cool Veena, esp the sense of humor is an amazing defense. Thanks for the continued support Veena, always a pleasure to hear from you :)
i am sure, all of us face the problem of people jumping the queue as stated by you. I apply solution no 3, given by you by telling them what is right. most of the time it works. If they don’t realize, I make it a point to tell the person behind the counter not to entertain such people.
Thank you Ratna. I am yet to try the solution no.1 on someone. Somehow I haven’t got the courage to do that yet :D .
Banter aside, I guess the third one is one of the best solutions possible. We have to be assertive. Or else people will keep on taking advantage in the name of innocencce..
Normally I do forgive and forget, but now you made me confused Vinay. With so many ideas, I will definitely try some other options as well :)
He he he :D .. May I humbly suggest the first one Alok ;)
i like the Munna Bhai way :) first you simply ask them to stop, and even they don’t stop you know what you are going to do. Beat them.
He he he :D .. We both are on the same page bro ;)