This article is about 6 types of people who don’t deserve your stories. We all have a story of success, failure, pain and joy to share. However, not all people deserve these stories. In fact, we have to make sure that our inner circle is made of people with whom we maintain a high level of trust. In this article, we refer to people as personality types representing the character traits that you’d want to avoid for personal growth and self-improvement.
6 people who don’t deserve your stories
Having been a great fan of Brene Brown’s work, this gives me pleasure to present you with the 6 people who don’t deserve your stories. Types of people explored in this article are:
- One who feels shame for you
- One who responds with sympathy rather than empathy
- One who is disappointed in your imperfections
- One who is uncomfortable with your vulnerability
- One who refuses to acknowledge your state of emotional feel
- One who confuses your connections to opportunities to talk about her
Related:
- Never be ashamed of a scar – 5 Meanings
- Even a Mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary – Henry Ford
6 People who don’t deserve your stories – Explanation and Meaning
Here is a beautiful message from Dr Brené Brown on Oprah’s show, talking about dealing with shameful situations and sharing them with people. Here are the 6 Types of people you have to avoid when you share not-so-happy stories or shameful stories of your life.
6 Types of people who don’t deserve your stories
One who feels shame for you
Your problems are yours to own. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it just represents a phase of your life. If someone else is making you feel shame or inferring this on you, they don’t deserve your story and clearly fall into the category of the 6 types of people who don’t deserve your stories.
These problems and challenges in life are normal. You want someone in your life who can treat them like that and not aggravate it further. Your own emotions are hard enough to process. If someone is adding to this burden, they clearly don’t understand your problems or situation enough. – The 6 Peculiar People Who Advice You!
One who responds with sympathy rather than empathy
Sympathy is overrated. It is vastly different from empathy. Sympathy is someone feeling sorry for you while empathy is about understanding your situation. You don’t people to push you into self-pity when you are in need of strength.
If people in your circle are approaching you with sympathy instead of understanding you – they don’t care enough about your situation. Your problems are there for a reason. You don’t need someone to feel sorry for you. The need is to understand and walk the journey with you rather than alienating from your situation.
One who is disappointed in your imperfections
This is one of the worst characteristics. Each individual is beautiful the way they are. And all of us do have our own imperfections. If someone is shaming you for them, best to run away from such people. You don’t need them in your life ever.
Perfection is an awful goal to have. If someone is ashamed of you because you’re not perfect, then you have every reason to move away from them. Your life is filled with beautiful moments and situations. Don’t let someone with false notions of perfection ruin it for you. Embrace the beauty of these imperfections and find out the solution which works best for you.
One who is uncomfortable with your vulnerability
A lot of research has been done about being open to vulnerability. Courage is nothing but accepting vulnerability and doing things anyway because they matter to you. You don’t want false pride to ruin your authentic nature.
And if you are surrounded by someone else who wants to make you into something you’re not – they don’t deserve your story. Your individuality is the most important thing in life. This individuality also has vulnerability and weakness as a part of it. Accept these and figure out what you want in life. Shame or discomfort has no place in this.
One who refuses to acknowledge your state of emotional feel
Denial is often the biggest enemies of success. Acceptance is the first step for any change. No matter what stage of life you are in, you need to be honest with yourself. The moment you stop doing this, you’re beginning the journey of your demise.
Accept and listen to your emotions. They are sending you a signal. Yes, there might be hurt or pain on the surface, but the emotions are still trying to tell you something. It is perhaps a signal that something is not right and your emotions are asking you to change something. If you deny a beautiful emotion or try to force yourself to feel something you’re not – aren’t you being dishonest? And if someone is doing that, don’t they belong to the 6 people who don’t deserve your stories?
One who confuses your connections to opportunities to talk about her
And finally, the selfish sort who can’t think of anyone else apart from themselves. We all have these types in our network and honestly, I don’t have a good answer to why we tolerate them. These people find an opportunity to make it all about themselves. If you talk about pain, they’ll have a story as to why their pain is bigger.
You don’t need to waste your time and emotions on this type of person who can’t look out for you. If they find a way to make the story about themselves, why do they want your story at all? I am sure they will find a different way to weave their story back into your context!
We have these types of people who often pull us down with their responses. It isn’t their mistake and it isn’t ours too. Maybe we weren’t careful enough to observe their offerings of emotional comfort for us. But once we know what these types of people are doing to us, the mistake of going back to them hoping for emotional comfort wouldn’t seem fairly pointless.
Brene makes a brilliant statement which is the complete solution-
“You share with people who earn the right to hear your story.”
Maybe it’s right.! Whom we choose to share our stories play some role in shaping our stories further.
About Brene Brown:
Brene Brown is an author, very well known for her books The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly which were #1 New York Times Bestsellers. She is a research professor and a public speaker, who is currently a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work.
Read more about her here Brene Brown
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Right types.. and yes there are still many left . Its better to test the patience of a paper rather than people until .. you have the right audience .
Kokila, testing patience on paper has always made me feel better and I guess it’s the same with you.
Choosing the right audience is a tough thing and yeah the trial and error method in choosing them has helped me find some reliable ones :)
I remember your “peculiar people” post, Vidyashree..that was really a good one! Here also, you’ve very practically discussed the issues. We all have faced such situations… I remember just one thing now, never share your worries with others, 90% don’t care and the rest are happy to know that you are in trouble…
May sound rude, but can’t help it… :-D
Thank you maniparna. I really enjoyed making that post. Something about the society gets us a little flared up and kinda brings out some nice pieces on the posts :D .. True indeed, not many people really care to udnerstand what we are going through. And even if they do, many of them don’t really know what to do about it. In the end, it becomes just an exercise without any result which simply defeats the very purpose of sharing the problem
I have faced this a many times. Ultimately, I stopped sharing and it’s painful this way. Looking for a person who I could share my feelings is a very difficult task for me. At least, now after reading this, I can classify people. :)
Oh it’s a tough thing Namrata, lots of trial and error methods with people, to see who values our emotions and feelings. Good luck with finding these kinds and yeah these 6 kinds also help us, help us in easily identifying the one who fits us :D
Vinay, I wonder why people want to post their issues on as public a medium as a WhatsApp group. Isn’t it better to know who your close friends are, pick up the phone or meet them in person, and pour your heart out? If you post about your issues on public forums, that’s an issue in itself? Older generations would advice never to wash your dirty linen in public for this very reason probably.
Lata, I think it might also be to do with social acceptance or maybe pity or some insecurity. We all need a sense of reassurance and a sense of pity and support sometimes. I agree to your thought, social sharing of problems either leads to a mockery of it or a plain simple careless shrug, but it is not going to lead to a solution. And most times it simply makes the problem bigger than it actually is..
A practical post Vidyashree.. This happens quite often. A group chat on Watsapp is like sitting in a room full of people and talking, so yes one needs to be careful about what information one should share.
Thank you Somali. I could relate to every person Brene Brown mentioned about. I agree Somali, one has to be careful while sharing such sensitive information and also in the social media, it looks like a drama happening on most of their facebook walls.
Not just these 6 people, there are many other who put you down. A thoughtful post indeed. :)
He he.. Indeed Deeshani, indeed. There is a whole nation of them out there ;)
Not many can appreciate the depth in story. People often mix empathy with sympathy. As they say – choose your story, I feel, one should also choose their audience.
Thanks for sharing this.
I agree Saru, not many appreciate the depth of the story and not many are patient enough to understand the real story. People including us sometimes are happy enough to brush it off from the surface cos that way the problem seems smaller and easily solveable.. But they never are and they never will be