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We all know how important the first dates are, the enthusiasm about knowing someone, the jitters about how they are going to receive you, the fears as to what this is going to lead to and so much more. We may not be able to control everything that happens on a date, we are after all talking about chemistry here and of course the other person and how they receive it will be equally if not more important.
10 BASIC THINGS A GUY SHOULD NOT DO ON HIS FIRST DATE!
If you are a guy, here are top ten things you should not do on your first date!
THE BASICS
Well this is what everyone tells you
– Dress appropriately, dress well so that she knows you have taken the effort for her and also don’t overdress so that it is not obvious that you are trying to impress her.
– Select an appropriate place depending on the amount of camaraderie you have, a nice decent place where you can get to know each other better. Not particularly a night club, but something nice and quite, a place with character
– Be on Time, it is a very annoying feeling to wait, especially when you are on a date. If possible, pick her up, that is way better than showing up late in a restaurant
Well I am sure there is a lot of material talking about your appearance and other stuff, but let us talk about one thing we are good at here, the way we take it ahead. I am sure everyone of you knows the other stuff better. We talk about what is more important here, a conversation, a friendship and of course the next stage as you know.
YOU ARE HERE TO KNOW YOURSELVES BETTER
Know the purpose of your date. What is the reason you are meeting this person for, what about her makes it special for you? Don’t tell me that she is attractive or beautiful, that can be one of the reasons, what is that specific reason?
You should not be objectifying a woman on a date, it is more about a personal conversation than anything else.
KEEP TRYING TO IMPRESS HER!
I think there is a very wrong notion about trying to impress someone. I do agree that we all go overboard sometimes telling about ourselves and it is very natural that we brag. But again, know your audience, a subtle bragging can work very well, the lady has agreed to go out on a date with you which means that she is interested, you should not be trying too hard to impress her. It will happen on its own, don’t try and be a magician on the stage, that is not what the date is about. It is about the two of you, it is about having a good time, a nice pleasant conversation and the curiosity about knowing the other person and knowing yourselves better.
COMPARE YOUR DATE TO OTHERS
I agree that sometimes we would want to compare certain things, the way we talk, the way they look at you or many other things. But don’t make that a habit, it is ok to talk about a couple of such things, but if you keep doing it over and over again, it doesn’t really make much sense. And all comparison is quite good as long as it is a positive frame, but the moment it gets negative, it just brings out the wrong side of you. I am not saying you should pretend but I am saying that you should stop appearing and actually being a little caustic.
And talking about the things you should not talk about, please take care not to mention your ex’es or previous relationships, it is best to steer away from that for the first conversation, there are far more interesting things you can talk about this day!
TALKING ABOUT WHAT IS WRONG!
My friend, if you want to talk about something that is wrong with life or the day or the situation, I am sure it will take hours and days together. Forget about the problems of the world, I am not saying avoid them or ignore them, but talk about them if you can make a change, if not, if you are looking at just complaining, you don’t need a date for that, you need a buddy to take you out on a drink!
LISTING ALL OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Well! That is something which happens inadvertently sometimes, we all love the stuff we have done in our lives and we all are very proud of them. But you are not sitting for a job interview here, your sole purpose is knowing the other person better and letting the other person know you better. You don’t need to try and impress them over and over again, a date is a simple thing, this one feeling that you should sweep the lady off her feet would be quite a self defeating purpose.
CHECKING YOUR PHONE VERY OFTEN!
Even if you don’t mean it, when you check your phone very often, it just means that you are not very interested in the conversation and you are trying to avoid it. Forget a girl getting angry, even I would be very pissed if I am talking to someone and they keep looking at their phone. Here is an article on phone etiquette which might help.
When you are on the date, the most important thing for you is the date. Set your priorities right, people are ok for an emergency call or a text but it is not ok to keep chatting with someone ignoring a very special person sitting right in front of you.
TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND CHILDRENWell you are on the first date my friend, there is a lot of time for everything else. You don’t want to pressurize your date with all this. The moment you say marriage or children the first thing that comes to anyone’s mind is a whole load of pressure. You are here for a great time and a wonderful conversation, just focus on that. Rest of the things can wait.
KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS
You are not here to win a quiz competition. Knowing about the other person doesn’t mean that you are going to bombard them with questions one after the other. Although they might smile and respond to it, it still is a very annoying feeling to do nothing else but keep answering questions. Let the conversation take its own course. Let it be natural, don’t push yourself too hard.
PRETENSION
I agree that people like it when you pay attention to them, listen to them and respond accordingly, but there is a slight trick to pretense. The moment it is not real, it has a tell, you can spot it right away. If you are not interested on a topic or if it is making you feel uncomfortable, then feel free to change the topic subtly. You don’t have to pretend to like it or fake attention to it. You will get caught and the consequences will be bad!
DRINKING TOO MUCH
Well it is called wine and dine, a glass or two is classy and it is nice. But getting drunk is not. It just sends out a wrong message to your counterpart, the date is not about food or wine or even the environment, it is about the person and that is what it should be about. Everything else is secondary.
THE BASICS AGAIN
Well these are a few other things people will tell you, don’t flirt too much, don’t cling on to them desperately, don’t be too afraid, show your confidence, etc etc. I am sure all you guys are very good at that.
The only thing I would like to say is – BE GRACEFUL and that will take care of the rest
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Product Director with 10+ years in leadership roles - team building, product strategy, coaching and mentoring are a part of my everyday responsibilities. I write about motivational words that inspire us and shape our thinking and help us go beyond these thoughts to find what our minds are telling us and evolve.
They were good points, apt points actually. A guy following all these is sure to impress me. Excessive questions turn me off. What I find the best when a person is pleasant, doesn’t brag, shows intellect naturally,is natural. I catch people when they pretend. I had till date 3 memorable dates out of many so far. Two of them are my good friends and one is my life partner. It is not necessary a date will culminate into marriage. It may be the start of a friendship. So play it slow.
Thank you Datta :). He he now that’s a good sign for the article, glad to know that it resonated at those experiential levels :).
True, pretense is a horrible way of trying to impress someone, the worst part being that everyone except the person doing it will know about it :D . Aah, thrice is the charm ;), lucky fella :)
Ohh.. He he that would have been quite a turn of events for you!! How did the date go after that? I really hope you guys had a good laugh at it and it did not affect anything else!
I am quite keen on magicians, there is a person by the name Nakul, he does some pretty interesting stuff, you might want to check it out :)
he he he….Actually It was not a date….Their was this girl in my office whom i liked (..like is a small word though:-)..).. i tried to talk to her and was like choked, everything just went blank…..I never felt so nervous in front of anybody before..As a magician i am pretty use to walking to strangers and performing for them, but this time things didn’t turned out to be as expected….Unfortunately it was her last day in office too..so never got an opportunity to make things right…Anyways, hopefully someday ill get a chance to do so…hopefullyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!
And Thanks for the link…ill check it out:-)
He he :D .. Oh that’s quite a bad mix of things for you mate. Definitely not the best support from the surroundings, it was as if the entire universe conspired to screw this up for you :D :).
True mate, you never know when that day may come, life is a beautiful full circle that way. :) … Hope it comes soon! Sure mate, do lemme know what you think about it :)
You happen to be a love guru too ? :P You’re too good at it ! Hahaha ! Loved the points ! Its worse when a date hands you over an oral question paper ! I mean WTH ? ! And its a disaster date when the guy is a braggadocio !! By gawd your points hit straight to the point ! You have covered almost everything but I think you should have added “Don’t talk about your EX or any other past relationship for that matter!” in the post ;) .Also this is something unexpected , hoping we get to read many more fun filled posts like this :)
Ha ha ha :D .. I am a complete communication enthusiast Najm :D .. I am happy that these points resonate with you. After reading your dream date post, I was quite sure this was one person who truly knows what she wants. Coming from you about this post, it is a huge compliment indeed :).
I had made those points about talking about Ex, thanks for the reminder, I shall edit it and make that change :). Sure Najm, would love to bring in more such exciting ones. Would love any suggestions you have about any topics you would like us to write about :)
Super blog Vinay :) Really the most essential thing which I think is that the person should not ever try to impress his date, as it can create a negative image of him in front of her. Though I am bit doubtful about the comparison thing, as it is the first date of a person and he would not be able to compare dates :)
He he… Thanks Alok, it did take some time for me to do this, but it sure feels good reading a comment like this :)
True, I have heard a lot of people talk about impressing a girl and it really feels bad to listen to that.. I think the best way is to be what we are and what has to happen will certainly happen..
About comparing dates, I meant comparing the girl to someone else or something else or a previous experience. I think I should have used it more explicitly. I re-read that statement, it does convey a confusing message :)
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I agree that sometimes we would want to compare certain things, the way we talk, the way they look at you or many other things. But don’t make that a habit, it is ok to talk about a couple of such things, but if you keep doing it over and over again, it doesn’t really make much sense. And all comparison is quite good as long as it is a positive frame, but the moment it gets negative, it just brings out the wrong side of you. I am not saying you should pretend but I am saying that you should stop appearing and actually being a little caustic.
Even if you don’t mean it, when you check your phone very often, it just means that you are not very interested in the conversation and you are trying to avoid it. Forget a girl getting angry, even I would be very pissed if I am talking to someone and they keep looking at their phone. Here is an article on phone etiquette which might help.
Well you are on the first date my friend, there is a lot of time for everything else. You don’t want to pressurize your date with all this. The moment you say marriage or children the first thing that comes to anyone’s mind is a whole load of pressure. You are here for a great time and a wonderful conversation, just focus on that. Rest of the things can wait.
DRINKING TOO MUCH
I wish i had come and read this earlier :) now i ma going oooopssssssss
He he.. Well there is always a chance for the next date mate. I am sure you would be pretty charming at that! :)
They were good points, apt points actually. A guy following all these is sure to impress me. Excessive questions turn me off. What I find the best when a person is pleasant, doesn’t brag, shows intellect naturally,is natural. I catch people when they pretend. I had till date 3 memorable dates out of many so far. Two of them are my good friends and one is my life partner. It is not necessary a date will culminate into marriage. It may be the start of a friendship. So play it slow.
Thank you Datta :). He he now that’s a good sign for the article, glad to know that it resonated at those experiential levels :).
True, pretense is a horrible way of trying to impress someone, the worst part being that everyone except the person doing it will know about it :D . Aah, thrice is the charm ;), lucky fella :)
its quite interesting,when impressing a girl comes in our mind..:)
He he :D .Indeed Sridhar!
He he he :D .. Thank you Ni :).
Ohh.. He he that would have been quite a turn of events for you!! How did the date go after that? I really hope you guys had a good laugh at it and it did not affect anything else!
I am quite keen on magicians, there is a person by the name Nakul, he does some pretty interesting stuff, you might want to check it out :)
http://www.nakulshenoy.com/
He he, well there is always a next chance :)
he he he….Actually It was not a date….Their was this girl in my office whom i liked (..like is a small word though:-)..).. i tried to talk to her and was like choked, everything just went blank…..I never felt so nervous in front of anybody before..As a magician i am pretty use to walking to strangers and performing for them, but this time things didn’t turned out to be as expected….Unfortunately it was her last day in office too..so never got an opportunity to make things right…Anyways, hopefully someday ill get a chance to do so…hopefullyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!
And Thanks for the link…ill check it out:-)
He he :D .. Oh that’s quite a bad mix of things for you mate. Definitely not the best support from the surroundings, it was as if the entire universe conspired to screw this up for you :D :).
True mate, you never know when that day may come, life is a beautiful full circle that way. :) … Hope it comes soon! Sure mate, do lemme know what you think about it :)
You happen to be a love guru too ? :P You’re too good at it ! Hahaha ! Loved the points ! Its worse when a date hands you over an oral question paper ! I mean WTH ? ! And its a disaster date when the guy is a braggadocio !! By gawd your points hit straight to the point ! You have covered almost everything but I think you should have added “Don’t talk about your EX or any other past relationship for that matter!” in the post ;) .Also this is something unexpected , hoping we get to read many more fun filled posts like this :)
Ha ha ha :D .. I am a complete communication enthusiast Najm :D .. I am happy that these points resonate with you. After reading your dream date post, I was quite sure this was one person who truly knows what she wants. Coming from you about this post, it is a huge compliment indeed :).
I had made those points about talking about Ex, thanks for the reminder, I shall edit it and make that change :). Sure Najm, would love to bring in more such exciting ones. Would love any suggestions you have about any topics you would like us to write about :)
Hey…this one little different ….cool
Thank you Chaitali :). Thought we should diversify into more interesting and entertaining content :)
Haha, quite a meaningful list! Don’t be nervous, and be yourself: my 2 cents. Good post, Vinay… :)
Thank you Jatin :).. Oh yes, don’t be nervous and don’t sweat through your shirt :) ..
Super blog Vinay :) Really the most essential thing which I think is that the person should not ever try to impress his date, as it can create a negative image of him in front of her. Though I am bit doubtful about the comparison thing, as it is the first date of a person and he would not be able to compare dates :)
He he… Thanks Alok, it did take some time for me to do this, but it sure feels good reading a comment like this :)
True, I have heard a lot of people talk about impressing a girl and it really feels bad to listen to that.. I think the best way is to be what we are and what has to happen will certainly happen..
About comparing dates, I meant comparing the girl to someone else or something else or a previous experience. I think I should have used it more explicitly. I re-read that statement, it does convey a confusing message :)