It is a fair question right? Why should I be happy for others? They haven’t been happy for me! Why should I be doing all the hard work? Isnt it time that someone else does the hard work for me as well? Well I would prefer that and I would also proudly say that I am a jealous fellow, it is not that things pass by me without the shred of jealousy. I have felt jealous about a lot of things in life, the jobs, the marks, looks, opportunities, sometimes I have even felt jealous of people who are extremely close to me and related to me as well. Its one another emotion and its not something I would be ashamed of either.
It would perhaps be impossible to lead a life without jealousy and I am definitely saying that it certainly has its own place in our mind. But over time I think something that made sense that the jealousy is trying to convey something. Each emotion we have is certainly a signal, a thought process and a negative emotion is an indication that something is not going in the expected format. In such a case, how do we tackle with it, how do we deal with it.
1) Stop labeling it bad!
Like we said – jealousy is an emotion, it is almost always very easy to blame the negative emotions, trying to mask them in a smile and stay in denial cos that makes us feel a little bigger than that. But that doesn’t meant that the emotion doesn’t exist. We know it, our friends know it, people related to us know it and deep down at one corner they are even a little proud at times that this is making you jealous.
2) Accept it
Well accept the fact that you are jealous of something. I am not asking you to do it publically, I know it is embarrassing. But accept it to yourself and try to understand why you are feeling jealous. Is it a way of your mind telling you that it was an outcome you deserved and desired and is happening for someone else you know. The fact is you are not jealous that someone else got it, you are unhappy that you didn’t and that is a very fair emotion.
3) How can you act on it?
Well, what are the ways you can think about acting on a strand of jealousy? Well you can go ahead and burn their house down but that is not going to give you what you are looking for! Perhaps it is time to look inward and see what you can do. If you think that an outcome is happening for someone, try and identify why! And you need to come up with a better and a more specific answer than LUCK! I am not going to debate luck since that is not in my control but I am trying to identify what best I can do in order to get that result and get to action immediately. Cos words may have a soothing sympathizing effect on you, but they are not going to offer you any solution. You have to find it on your own!
4) Fake happiness for your friend!
I know what you are thinking, it is fake, it is untrue and I don’t like being dishonest. Well probably you are right, but being jealous in the first place is in itself being dishonest in one way! Like I said, lets stop labeling things for a while and try see why. Of course I agree sometimes it is very hard but also sometimes there is not much of a choice. Some other things take a bigger priority. There is no point in winning a battle and losing the war. Look at the bigger picture and sometimes it is ok to feel good for others than yourselves. It helps us get out of the shell we are in and see the world a little more in the holistic front. And also sometimes, your body does have a very strong effect on your mind, the more you smile, the lighter you feel!
5) Actually try being Happy!
I heard you – Easier said than done! Of course, most things in life always are easier said than done and that’s exactly why so few people end up doing it! There is a thin line which demarcates the average and people above it, that is the extra bit of effort that it takes in being the bigger man/woman. The emotion of a giver is a lot more fulfilling than that of a receiver. I would say – assume the position of a giver. I know it hurts, well it doesn’t hurt cos your friend got it, it only hurts cos you didn’t and you know it. So stop feeling bad about your friend, he is being the victim of something which is not his fault and I know you are better than that! So assume that role, you are there to share happiness of a friend and while trying to do so, jealousy becomes an emotion of the past.
Well honestly, if you look at the big question – Why you should be happy for others? Well you’re not exactly doing it for others. You are doing it for yourself and in the process you are circulating happiness around. Two at the cost of one isn’t it? 😉
Some books you might find interesting :