The Feel of a Defeat
I was feeling a little detached while writing about a defeat the last couple of days. Maybe because I am in a safe environment of learning – a place where we realize that the ultimate goal is to learn something. But there is something more when it comes to a competition , there is an urge to win and be competitive and all those stuff. And there is also something called the nerves which make a tremendous difference when the stuff gets more real.
I was representing my school in the badminton team today as I played a game against hec Paris – the semifinals. It was a pretty straight forward game. I had never felt so comfortable and confident and it was amazing to see the opponent scampering on the court. The scoreboard said 20-16 which meant I needed only one point to win. From there I could hear my mates cheer and I wanted to win so bad. Everything seemed to change and I let the nerves get better of me and the opponent won.
I do not know whether I accept defeat easy or not. I do know that it is impossible to not take a defeat personally esp when you feel strongly for it. Its been a day now and I still feel like someone punched me in the stomach. You may say that it is just a game and I need to move on. Funnily enough my conscious brain notices that. But the proud self still feels awful. As I try to answer the question why, I have array of thoughts on my mind.
1) The loss itself
Defeat feels terrible. It makes you question whether you are actually bad. It makes you question whether you had enough practice or expertise or what not. As always things start with denial don’t they? The real lessons come a lot later 😀
2) Going below your own standards
Although I would like to say that the better game won, I realise that it was more than that. I felt awful because I lost a game which I had clearly proven I could win. Something I knew I was good at. I didn’t lose because of some external circumstances, I lost because I could not control my nerves and that for me is a major digression from my standards because I have always defined myself as one of the most patient people around.
3) The people you let down
The moment I lost, all I could think of was the number of people I made feel bad. I mean I felt that I owed an apology to all those wonderful guys who cheered for us and were so supportive. I personally felt that I owed them a victory. Although everyone came up and said it was a wonderful game, it was a bit of a shame letting people down.
4) The purpose of the post
You might think that I’m taking a loss too seriously. But I feel there is a stronger message here. Especially about failure and how large an impact it can have. There are multiple reasons why things go bad, we ought to feel bad about them and move on. I happily quoted rocky balboa a few days ago and superficially said it is not how many times you win but how many times you get up. I think we all up – defeat or victory is a very powerful thing. It can teach us a lot if we are willing to listen. All I wanted to say was that a defeat hurts , but it is an awesome feeling feeling to know that you can take control and find a message which means the most to you.
For me the message is, it is incredibly tough to control your nerves but it is amazing to gain that control because it shifts the entire scale of a game.
Thoughts and suggestions?
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