” Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
My mother is one of the most patient people I have seen. Certainly situations and things do bother her but there are very few times I have seen her raise her voice or be angry enough so that I can deduce. Something I have also seen is that when someone speaks to her in a high pitch with anger, she answer back, atleast not with the same intensity. When I asked why, she said, “Two people cannot solve a problem with the same intensity of emotions.”
Why should the other person suffer because of my anger?
These words played in my mind for sometime and I thought “Why should the other person suffer because of someone else’s anger?” I mean it is not our fault they are angry, it is their emotion which they are trying to process and instead they are hurting us, without much fault of ours. But then nothing ever is as easy as it seems right?
How do I react when angry?
If I ask myself, how I react when I am angry or better yet, how do I react when someone is angry on me. The initial few minutes are of patience where I try to see reason and their line of thought. And if they manage to touch my nerve it goes to the next stage where it starts with slight annoyance followed by irritation and finally anger where I realize we both seem to be shouting at the top of our voices without even trying to understand what we are looking for – solution or just a way to clear our anger out of the system.
Well it is easy to say but so hard to do.. 🙁
And then I look back at the first paragraph where I have some people handle anger in such beautiful manner, they make it look so easy but in reality I realize things are never as easy as they seem. Trying to emulate the same process I have tried a hundred times and failed more than that but the process is amazing, it manages to teach you without your knowledge as to how good you can get at something. People now have come up to me and said that I am patient and I handle things well which I find extremely specious. But as long as they are complimenting, doesn’t hurt much to believe them does it? 😉
What all are the things that annoy you?
But something that felt right was the number of things which annoy right now, just a raised voice is not in that list anymore. The list somehow seems to have reduced magically ( What does it take to irritate you? ) . I also realize that the moment I get angry, the person I end up hurting the most is myself cos no matter how many others I hurt in the process of healing myself, even though it all seems right at that moment, it all comes back to me as a bigger problem. That is perhaps one of the greatest truths, when the heart rate is rising, the anger is at its peak, we all do tend to think we are right, we all do tend to take those calls and use those words and make those decisions which seem perfect. But never have those decisions stayed to help me out, instead they have created more damage to the situation than it already was.
What is the best way to handle anger?
Coming back to the first point I made when I started this, it somehow leads me to a question- What is the best way to handle anger? Should I stay quiet, without even responding, should I try and see reason no matter how much the other person keeps hurting me, should I walk out of the room so that I don’t participate in the caustic exchange of words? Well I am not sure what to tell from here, each one of them seems like a valid choice depending on the variety of the circumstance and the flipside.
What is more important? Person or the situation?
Having said that, I guess there is one question which probably governs all of these primary thoughts and gut responses, it has been this question – “What is more important – The person or the situation?”. If the situation is, then perhaps any of the above choices may work well including punching someone in the nose. If it is the other way round – well, we all are very clever people aren’t we?!
10 reasons why you should write an angry letter!