Troubles are here only for a reason!
Are they? Has this ever happened to you? You seem to be on a roll, things going your way and everything seems so perfect.
But suddenly something goes wrong. It was no fault of yours at all. It just happened and you try to understand what is happening.
But it all happens so fast and something goes really wrong and it sure is not the best feeling in the world.
I am sure you have seen something like that. I know I have and I have wondered what it meant each time. Then, to the rescue was the quote below:
But what are these troubles in life? Why do they happen only to you? The others seem to be handling life pretty well and it seems quite easy too.
Well, I guess I cannot comment on that, but I can surely say that it is not going to give you an answer you like.
Here are a few ways you can handle these troubles in life :
1) What happened?
What is it that has actually happened? There are two aspects here
– What has happened?
– What you think about what has happened?
Let us put the second question away for a bit and focus on the first one.
What has happened? Let us try and look at it as objectively as possible – not what it means to you, but just what has happened.
2) What does this mean to the project?
What does this outcome mean to the project you are handling. Again we are not getting personal here, we are just talking about where this particular outcome can be placed.
Is it a setback?
It it a dead end?
Is it something which slows down the process?
What does it mean to the project?
3) What does it mean to you?
Now we are targeting the most important question. What does it really mean to you?
Going by the thought of a few famous thinkers like Anthony Robbins – every occurrence is an event and it has an outcome. The event and the outcome are very close to each other and sometimes it is hard to tell them apart.
But one very common thing about it is how it makes you feel. What goes on in your mind when this happens?
What is the message this event is trying to tell you?
– Is it telling you that your approach might have been wrong somewhere? Maybe you trusted someone too much. Maybe there was a practical lesson here.
What is the emotion you feel?
– Be specific – Don’t say you are depressed!
What do you feel? Is it anger/distrust/irritation/disgust/disappointment? What is the exact word you can use to define this emotion?
What if you used a different word instead. Instead of angry you can say that you are a little annoyed, maybe miffed. How does it make you feel?
What do you think about the problem when you use these softer words instead?
Few days ago we published a post on how much our vocabulary affects our thoughts. The post here will take you through the process
4) What is the message it is sending you?
As Paulo Coelho says – “Troubles are here only for a reason and sometimes the only way out of them is through them”
So lets play the detective here. Let us try and understand what the trouble is trying to tell you!
It is probably a warning that something might have gone wrong. Maybe you need a fresh look at it.
Maybe you need to do a little more research.
Maybe it is telling you that you took a few things for granted which shouldn’t be.
Maybe it is telling you to roughen yourself a bit.
Maybe it is telling you that there is a way out.
What is it actually trying to tell you?
5) Don’t take it personally!
The first thing I would normally think if something goes wrong is to find the person to take the blame. Although the blame is initially on someone else, somewhere down the line I get to realize that it was me and I end up punishing myself. Sometimes even more than I deserve.
But then I realize a problem is just a problem, it doesn’t tell you that you are stupid or you screwed up!
The problem just says that there is a problem and you need to find a way to solve it if it is important to you!
That is it! Nothing more or nothing less!
Anything else we think about is not very relevant here and it is about time that we stopped blaming ourselves endlessly!
6) What has happened has happened!
Sometimes it is best to look at an event objectively. An event has happened. And you don’t like the outcome.
Nowhere was it ever promised that life was going to be all perfect. There are going to be screw ups. There will be mistakes. But how we deal with them makes all the difference.
7) What are you going to do about it?
It all boils down to your answer to this one question. I can symapthize, I can even try and empathize. But truth is, I cannot solve the problem!
The only one who can do something about it is you and you are the best one to do it!
I agree that it is incredibly hard! But it is incredible amount of fun too. Try and look at it like you are solving a puzzle. The answers as always will be lot closer to you than you think 🙂
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