Sheryl Sandberg: When it comes to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner

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“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is that of all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”
– Sheryl Sandberg

Sheryl Sandberg, the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook wrote this in her book Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead. Her husband Dave Goldberg, the CEO of SurveyMonkey died recently. The internet is filled with sympathy messages and prayers for Sheryl Sandberg. She thanked people for their condolences and went ahead quoting, “If the day I walked down that aisle with Dave someone had told me that this would happen – that he would be taken from us all in just 11 years – I would still have walked down that aisle. Because 11 years of being Dave Goldberg’s wife, and 10 years of being a parent with him is perhaps more luck and more happiness than I could have ever imagined. I am grateful for every minute we had. He gave me the experience of being deeply understood, truly supported and completely and utterly loved – and I will carry that with me always. “

Managing office and home is a tough job for everyone. We are not talking about women alone. When you have your own family and people to share and care about, you understand how big a role they take in your life balance. This piece of advice by Sheryl makes absolute sense as a life partner who wants equal partner and values fairness can make a huge difference in the quality of life.

Sheryl Sandberg Words on Relationship

  • “I learned that effective communication starts with the understanding that there is MY point of view, (my truth), and someone else’s point of view (his truth). Rarely is there one absolute truth, so people who believe that they speak THE truth are very silencing of others. When we realize and recognize that we can see things only from our own perspective, we can share our views in a nonthreatening way. Statements of opinion are always more constructive in the first person ‘I’ form. The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak. Miscommunication is always a two way street.”
  • I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of one woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully—and I mean fully—supportive of her career. No exceptions. And contrary to the popular notion that only unmarried women can make it to the top, the majority of the most successful female business leaders have partners. Of the twenty-eight women who have served as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, twenty-six were married, one was divorced, and one had never married. Many of these CEOs said they “could not have succeeded without the support of their husbands.”


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4 Responses to "Sheryl Sandberg: When it comes to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner"

  1. Great analysis….I
    I agree with you when you tell “Marry a person who wants to do his share in home.” Yes, that is minimum.
    He should be supportive of her career.
    Each and every lady must read this before deciding to marry.
    Dr Bharat Desai, Ophthalmologist, Bilimora..India

  2. Maniparna Sengupta Majumder · Edit

    A nice post, Vidyashree. Her words are true, But while falling in love we seldom think all these things… 😛

  3. Ha Ha I agree 😉 I was reading about her and read a few lines by her which says that while dating do not set your standards too high by forcing yourself to please your partner, your partner might consider that as your minimum level and would expect a lot out of you. Ha ha now that’s what a safe step is while dating 😉


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