How To Build Self Confidence : 10 Step By Step Processes To Help You Gain Self Confidence In Life

How to build self confidence? 

We all are pretty smart people, and we do know that like everything else even confidence wavers in our lives. The crude definition of self confidence is the belief in oneself that we can really do something. And this belief is put to test when things around us go completely wrong and we are still supposed to believe in ourselves, esp when no one else around us does.

No wonder it is tough and no wonder we seek assistance although we know that we have everything we need within ourselves to solve every simple problem. Today we are going to fixate on that problem which is bugging you from a while and develop the necessary confidence to get over it.

Here is a step by step procedure on how to build self confidence

1) What are you afraid of? 

As always, let us start with the basics. What is the one thing right now on your mind which you think you cannot do?

Is it approaching to talk to someone, or clearing an exam or saying hi to your neighbour. What is that one thing right now you are really afraid of?

We are not talking about self confidence in general cos the more we talk about it, the more we go towards intellectual stimulation and less towards results. For a change let us look at an exercise today and build your self confidence so that you are able to encounter the challenge you are facing.

So what is it that you are afraid of? What is that one thing you think you cannot do? Remember we are talking about the one thing, not a list here, just one small thing which is of the highest priority to you.

For more, we can always revisit this page from step 1 to step 10 to solve that as well.

2) Why are you afraid of it? 

Ok, we have established what you are afraid of, what you think you cannot do. What is it about this which scares you?

Why do you think you cannot do it?

There are varied answers for this

 – I have tried it in the past but it has never worked

– I have seen more intelligent people try it and fail

– It has never been done before by anyone else

– It is not me, I have a different definition of myself. 

And so on… But I want your reason, why do you think you cannot do that something? Be honest, no one is going to judge here or rather write in your book or maybe as an anonymous comment here if you want your privacy. But we’d love to get to the bottom of the situation so that we solve it completely

3) What does this mean to you? 

What does having self confidence mean to you? Why is it important that you build self confidence for this issue. Again we are not talking about building self confidence in general, it is the specifics in your life where the answers lie and we want to focus on that. For once we are confident in something, we can easily translate it to other fields as well.

So what does being confident mean to you? Does it mean that you can achieve your goals better? Does it mean that you will become a better person?

What is your reason? What is your major driving force to build self confidence? Why do you want it?

4) Imagine you were completely self confident!

How would this feel? Just close your eyes and visualize yourself solving this problem in your life? Like I said being general doesn’t help here. Let us be specific and focus on that one problem at a time.

Too many solutions at once will not lead you anywhere. How would you feel if you were supremely confident of this thing? How would you proceed? Does it make you smile?

Just close your eyes and imagine yourself as the person you want to be – completely self confident with an air about yourself. I want you to focus on your desired end result and not your fears.

You very often get what you focus on. So, lets be smart here and focus on what we want to be like and work towards that.

5) Think of all of your successes of the past

We all have some beautiful stories in our lives. Today I want you to think about those stories of your life where you personally braved a challenge – something you found very difficult. For example, I really had a hard time introducing myself to girls, let alone talking to them.

Something as simple as this or as complicated as clearing the toughest exams in the country. But I want you to think of that one success in your life. How did you feel when you started it? What were the challenges you faced?

I want you to close your eyes and go through those images – the way you reacted to the challenges, the way you overcame them. How did it make you feel? What drove you? What made you do it all?

But above all, you did it right? You did something amazing in your life which perhaps at some point you had thought was impossible. And that is really incredible.

All we have to do now is to find ways to tap into these emotions and the way we acted at that time to the current challenge. And we can only and always build success over a success no matter what failures say. This is a beautiful success to build self confidence from.

6) Forget the failures of the past

We all have a natural tendency to look at our challenges and think of our past – Something like this didn’t work in the past, so it will not work again.

My reaction to that – Bull****. Come on, you know that the fear is irrational, it is not even logical. Why would things happen the same way twice to people unless you are repeating the same mistake?

Your approach is different, your idea is different and above all you have grown as a person. Things rarely happen the same way twice. You got to let go of your past to stop being a prisoner there.

Your life is not in what happened 10-15 years ago. It is in the now, it is in what you want to do and your priorities of life. The other experiences are good for stories and morals. That is not what we are after here – we are after results.

7) Identify a HERO!

This may sound a bit strange. When I ask people – who is your hero, the answers we usually get are- Sachin Tendulkar, Roger Federer, Mother Theresa and so on. There are some smart ones who say – My mother, my father.

I think it is very sensible to have your real life heroes, the lives you can relate to. And no one said that you need to have one hero in life. You can have thousands of them -one for each aspect.

There are people out there braving every single challenge you will ever face in their own way and they have already faced something similar to this. Identify such people around you – talk to them, interact with them, find out how they got there, how they solved their problems and gained self confidence.

You need a solution, you need to find practical masters. Come out of that zone of theory and look at the bigger picture, your life means a lot more than you think sometimes.

8) Take pride in making mistakes

For once, forget being perfect! One of the biggest hindrances for self confidence is the feeling of being perfect. Come on, we all know the truth – no one can be perfect. Every successful person in this world has had a share of his own problems and gotten over them.

So why punish yourself when you make mistakes? It is ok to screw up – everyone does — even your parents did, mine did and the society still does? Why do you have to punish yourself for being wrong?

And move on from these mistakes soon. The more you ponder about a mistake, the sorrier you feel for yourself. You know that you have made a mistake – then try to fix it or learn from it. But do it quick, don’t wait for another perfect day to be imperfect.

And know that perfection is the worst standard you can have. The reason is as simple as this – By definition you can never achieve 100% perfection. Even if you reach 99% you will not be happy cos you haven’t reached perfection. Eventually you don’t have much of a choice but to feel bad about yourself.

So.. step out of this irony, we want you to be outstanding, not just perfect!

9) Stop Comparisons! 

The human mind is a very weird thing sometimes. We compare the best in others to the worst in us and think that it is so easy for others and hence they are successful.

Truth of the matter is – every one of us has an itch to scratch, each one has a problem they are trying to resolve. Their challenges might be different from yours but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have any! They sure do and sometimes more challenging ones too.

So.. For your own sake – stop comparing your life to others. You cannot link the two cos the situations are completely different and they are in no way related to what you are facing. Your problems are your own and you need to find ways out of them, not your friends or peers or seniors.

Look at life on a personal scale, look at what gaining confidence would mean to you and focus just on that. The rest is really meaningless.

10) Forget the stupid society! 

People will always find fault with you no matter what you do! The reason is pretty simple – they do not know what you have gone through to make something happen, they just see the final results.

They are never in a position to appreciate the complete experience and they can do so only in their limited capacity. So if someone criticizes you – just look at it from an external point of view. They are not criticizing you – they are criticizing and outcome.

You cannot allow that to hamper your self confidence, they never said anything about you. It was all about that simple project and that is it! Nothing more to it!

And remember – you are developing your self confidence for your own self and no one else. They don’t have a right in this!

We all know what to do now. These 10 steps are great starters to get your confidence back alive, but you have to work with me to do that. This was never for an intellectual stimulation. We don’t want to theoretically focus on motivation.

Motivation is about solving problems, it is not just about making someone good about themselves. It is deeper than that – just like your self confidence

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References: Wiki How

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We'd love to hear your thoughts below..

    • Thank you Alok :).. As always, I thoroughly enjoyed making this post. These kind of posts are taking almost about 3Hrs these days. But somehow I fell they are really worth the effort 🙂

  1. Perfect one to think of improving our confidence Vinay. Nicely written. I like the last one in particular, forget the STUPID society 😀 Good one 😉

    • Thank you Gowthama. I have often oscillated between those stages and I really have experienced how hard it is to get our lives back on to the confident mode esp when we are in a slump. But sometimes, I feel that it is these tiny lessons and the way we look at them which make all the difference in the world..

  2. Perfect blog buddy, don’t know how I missed reading it last day, as I received the notification, but I guess I was in metro that time and later slipped from my mind. Such a nice blog Vinay…

  3. Thank you Trivedi :). I am happy to know if this was of a value addition.

    I haven’t personally tried yoga, but I guess the way we try to focus our mind and get rid of distractions is a form of yoga too. Maybe not as powerful, but I would certainly love to learn yoga, it seems like a mysterious world to me yet.. But I sure am very keen to find out more about it 🙂

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