I was watching a television series and a scene caught my eye, a scene where the male protagonist doesn’t express his love for his daughter and expects it to be felt and understood although it is not said or expressed vocally. This somehow brought back a few memories where I have often went up to my mom and asked whether I am really cared for and loved. Although I knew the answer, something in me made me go and ask although I was not very comfortable doing it.
I have met a few similar people who underplay their emotions and it always made me question WHY?! The most repeated answers would be “It’s not something to be expressed; it’s something to be felt!” Well I partially agree with it but there are times when it is important to express and we still hold back. It feels as though it is an obvious thing to do and it is often taken for granted but it also becomes extremely crucial to do those simple things. Here are a few questions which may answer yours!
Why would you not express it?
Are you shy? Do you think that what you feel will be understood without you telling or showing? Or is it that you are afraid that you might not be met with an appropriate response? Or is it that you just don’t feel anything at all and you are too busy to care. I seriously hope that the answer is not the last one. No matter what these explanations are, I often think and wonder if they are right and if they are, at what cost!?
Why should I express it?
You might say “We both love each other, why should we express it again and again” Yes a very good point! Well then your boss also appreciates your work at office, he knows that you are a valuable asset, then why do you expect him to talk about you, why do you expect a raise, why do you want to feel important? Well, doesn’t the same logic extend to your better half as well? Just knowing that you care or love is not good enough, you need to show it too and quite regularly as well.
How would it help me?
I put myself out there and there is a faint possibility that I might not get the reaction I expected. Well, the chances are not just faint, they are fair. So what? Everyone gets shot down once in a while, communicate to your better half as to how you would like to feel, talk about it, talk about what each of you like, make that effort for that connection, tell each other vocally, through gestures, symbols, texts, phone calls, letters how much you mean to each other. And as to how it would help you, well you start living life at a whole different and an elevated step altogether.
And happiness is never a one way street, it is not that you make them feel happy and they are going to give you a blank stare and be done with it. You will get a warm reciprocation, the smile, the laughter, the sparkle in the eye, the intensity of emotions, the satisfaction of being with such a person, a happiness that comes from within- like I said living life at an elevated level!
What will it do to your relationship?
Of course it does, it tells each other how much you mean, it tells what extent you are willing to go to tell them how special they are to your life, it makes them feel loved, it makes you feel loved, it makes your relationship much stronger than the mediocre challenges of life. There is no need to underplay emotions with your trusted ones, be yourself, show them every small thing, it makes those small things all the more interesting and special, talk to them, tease them, cajole them, cherish them.
How can I do it?
Well after all this philosophy we better get to the HOW! – Well it is fairly simple, open your mouth, spill out the words. For gods sake tell them, make a romantic gesture, get some flowers once in a while, go out for a fancy dinner and a get together, meet some new people together, do some activities together. The gestures can be as simple as hugging someone for a second longer, telling them how much you missed them, asking them how their day was, know those trivial things in life. I am not asking you to keep a day aside and spend a whole lot of time. It doesn’t need time, it needs emotions, it needs thoughts, it needs connections. Establish them.
You know that it is going to make a huge difference to your lifestyle, don’t push it away saying that it is going to be ok, don’t say that people will understand. People don’t, it is not that easy to read someone’s mind, it is hard, respect that, let yourself go, feel comfortable doing that. After all, it is your loved ones, they do deserve to feel special every now and then, infact every day!