Breakups are hard!
Break ups are undoubtedly the hardest things to face and it is not something which anyone would ever want to be in the receiving end of.
But tough as they are, they are not unreal either, they do happen and as expected they make us feel awful about ourselves and make us ask innumerable questions, some of which we might find an answer to and some of which we are on the pursuit throughout our lives.
Having said that, there sure are a few ways we can deal with them and reduce the impact.Here are 10 Things You Can Do To Handle A Break-Up Better!
1) WHAT IS THE FIRST QUESTION THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND?
Of the several things you go through, what is the first thought that comes to you? What is the direction in which it is setting you into?
Some of the responses include –
How dare they?
What am I going to do now?
I should get back at them for making me feel so bad!
Am I that unlovable? What is wrong with me?
I did so many things – How come they forgot it all?
and so on.. Do any of these questions or thoughts sound familiar? If you said yes, well thanks for being really honest, I understand how unfair it feels.
But like Randy Pausch says – “You can’t change the cards you are dealt with, but you certainly can change the way you deal with it”. Well today, we are going to address the dealing part! Here is a post that might help tip the questions in your favour
2) WHAT ARE THE EMOTIONS IN YOUR MIND?
What is the feeling you have?
Is it of Anger? Rejection? Disappointment? Dejection? Disgust? Loss of Confidence? What is that you actually are feeling?
I will not encourage you to dig deep into it right now, but just want you to ask yourself as to what you feel.
Even sad is a very good answer and we shall move from that.
But try and identify what emotion you are facing, it helps you address it faster and better.
3) THE VENGEANCE FACTOR!
Well, if this is one of the emotions you are facing, there is nothing that wrong with it, or is there? Well, let us get into that debate a little later. What do you want to be vengeful about? Cos they left you? Or cos they were not what you expected? What is the actual reason? And what are you going to prove by being vengeful? Are you trying to teach them a lesson? If you are, what do you get out of it? And do you think you will ever know how it feels to be at the receiving end of vengeance. Or how about the giving end? Do you think at any point it will bring a smile on your face, by hurting someone who meant so much to you? Fact is, vengeance burns you more than it would burn the one you are intending to!
4) THE ANGER
Of course you feel angry! It is very natural and it is perfectly understandable to feel angry. But what are you going to do about it?
Are you going to call them and shout at them? Are you going to burn the gifts that they gave you? Are you going to get rid of every memory with them?
Are you going to replace every memory which brought you a smile with hate and disgust? What are you planning to do?
I mean these were some fantastic times of your life, just cos you are feeling angry now, does it mean that you have to obliterate every nice emotion you associated with that person?
I agree to the logic in part, you may say that doing something in anger might make you feel good, maybe it does, but it is going to make you feel worse in a little time from now.
Don’t sacrifice the beauty for a bit of rage, I am not talking about honor here, infact I don’t even care about it, I am talking about how the anger is going to affect you!
5) THE FEELING OF REJECTION
That is perhaps the first thing that comes to my mind. If it is rejection you are feeling, here is a post on How To Handle Rejection in Life which can help you a bit.
But dig a little deeper, it is not the whole person who is being rejected. It is a behavior, instead of feeling bad and moping about it, try and understand the behavior that ticked it off.
And don’t spend too much of energy digging on it right now, you can do that later, for now you need some good distraction! And here is a post to help you snap out of Rejection
6) THE DISTRACTIONS
An idle brain is a devil’s workshop. The more you think about it, the more you keep feeling bad about it and the feeling never stops, it keeps bugging you and making you feel bad. Find a distraction, a nice healthy one.
I am not talking about stress eating or flirting with someone. I am talking about something real, maybe a nice hobby, or getting back to the gym, trying an art class you always wanted to – basically something you would enjoy the most.
Keep yourself busy.
Don’t worry I am not asking you to deny your emotions, I am trying to find a way to tackle these emotions in a more balanced frame of mind than in being in that deep intensity which can play quite deeply with the thought process
7) FIND YOURSELF
No matter what the reasons are, no matter how bad things seem to be, don’t forget one thing – A break up is a great opportunity for you to find yourself, who you really are, what you want to do and who you want to be.
Try and look at yourself from the bigger picture. Think about yourself 5 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now – How do you feel? How big would that event be then?
Look at it from the bigger picture, do you think it is going to make that huge a difference? More than the break up, your actions and response to it are certainly going to.
So… Find Yourself!
No matter how bad it feels, forgive your counterpart, forgive yourself, let go. Look back at it and smile. You may say that you don’t feel like right now, but if it is that hard, force it.
The more you wallow in this, the worse you are going to feel about yourself. This life is about you, it is about who you are and who all you can be.
You can’t let any one incident damage you and one incident alone doesn’t deserve that. Forgive everything, smile at it and tell yourself that ” This is going to Pass” and you can handle it really well.
And trust me, you really can!
Sometimes you need to forget a few things to make further strides in life. Forget the bad parts of the relationship, forget how bad it was, forget the sacrifices you made.
Feel proud of what you were and what you have done and who you are today. Don’t punish yourself about it over and over again. Learn to forget a few things and learn to move ahead.
And if someone asks, make fun of it, avoid the topic. You may feel that talking about it might make you feel better and it actually might with a couple of people, but the more you do it, the more you would be inclined to bad mouth them, the more you would be inclined to feel jealous and vengeful, pretend that you don’t remember, it is much better than putting yourself through the pain again!
10) LIFE IS FAR MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU THINK!
Something goes wrong with our life doesn’t mean that our life is bad, it just means that something has gone wrong, try and find a way to address it, find a solution to it.
And if you can’t write to us below, talk to your friends, if you want it to be anonymous, shoot a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org, we will be more than happy to talk to you about it.
But trust me and everyone around you, life is going to be better, it is way more beautiful than it looks right now.