Well, its been a couple of days since the last post where I talked in length about a defeat and how it makes us feel. As I look back at it now, it feels like it has undergone a complete shift in thoughts and now there seems to be a fresh perspective about how the defeat feels.
I guess this is the first thing we all do, and even after the defeat – I kept telling myself that I did not lose. It was the moment, it was the situation. I tried to put the blame on the court, and then tried rationalising with the reason that I was tired and could not perform at my best. But that is all just ego isn’t it? The personal pride which prevents from accepting our mistakes or owning up to them.
As time passes by and we move on from the bubble of denial, truth starts appearing a little hazy – as an apparition and it slowly starts becoming clearer. The truth I am at currently is that, it was my stupid fault that I lost my nerves and played it to the situation. I left the entire control of the situation from myself to the environment and this was naturally a huge mistake which cost me a lot. Of course I wouldn’t accept it as I kept feeling so close to it. The people around were sweet enough to say that I did my best and it was not my fault.
But end of the day, truth is the truth and nothing else comes close to it. And I realise this whole failure or defeat or whatever we like to call it, as it fades – it leaves something beautiful behind – some patience and a little bit of peace of mind. The peace of mind helps to think about the situation properly and helps identify the real priorities. It helps us look at the situation and the bigger picture and makes us think that it simply is an event and we should not be taking it as a final feedback on anything. It just means a few things and the focus shifts towards setting things right or perhaps not repeating the mistake.
Of course the learning is not that I have fresh perspective of looking at things, nor is it that I am better or evolved or whatever nonsense word that comes to my mind. I am just amazed at the beauty of time and how it can make an impact on our decisions. I am amazed how time can help us collect our thoughts and arrive at a better decision. It is not that our faculties were clouded with something else earlier, it is not even that we were stupid. It is just that the factors we consider differ and as time progresses, it starts getting clearer and maybe that is the whole idea of a defeat in the first place – the growth we can derive out of it.