Appearances.. Yea right, they don’t matter!!

Posted on Posted in A-Z, LIfe's Questions



I guess anything I say about this picture would be an overly cliched one. So many people have spoken about appearances and why they don’t matter at all and how important it is to treat the person for the inner self than the outer experience. I agree to the entire philosophy here and I also agree that we should treat all of them equally cos we never know how worthy they are.


But then another question that comes to my mind is this – “What is this appearance then?” If it doesn’t matter at all, why do we spend so much time in grooming ourselves? Why are there thousands of companies which work on beauty products, clothes, expensive jewellery, fairness creams and so on.. I mean the list never ends, if we are all those who shouldn’t judge (Why people judge?) then its a simple world, there is no need for this quote, there is no need for those companies and so on..


Some may argue that we like to look great for ourselves so that we can feel confident and good about ourselves. I do respect that but somehow I don’t know if I sound too much of a cynic when I say we also do like to see how the world responds to the way we look.


And I am not going to say that it is wrong, it is not that wrong to create a first impression on someone based on the way they look. If I come across two people on the road, one wearing a coat and neatly dressed and the other shabby, I would certainly go and talk to the neatly dressed one over the shabby one. You may find it a little superficial of me to do it but I’m sorry that is the first feeling I get.


For a while I tried believing in the first school of thought that says appearances do not matter. And I even tried following it to the letter, I went to a lot of these meeting places in dress I was really comfortable in which was a kurta and jeans. Most of these times I was stopped at the security gates, esp at the corporate offices and they wouldn’t let me in. Then I thought I would still fight and prove that I am right. A lot of those meetings did happen but it did take a lot of unnecessary conversations and explanations.

So we finally decided to succumb to the societal norm and dressed up nice, made sure we take our car to the meeting spots. We weren’t just let in, we were in fact treated with a whole new respect altogether! That was when the truth came to us – Appearances do matter!


But truth is, appearances can only take you to an introductory stage and that is the extent of it. It doesn’t go any further, people frame an opinion of you and you would have to live up to that and that is where your character comes in. Although I have argued all through this article that appearances matter, and I do stand by it, I also am of a very strong opinion that they matter only up to the basic level. If you want to leave a mark beyond that, make sure you bring your character along, that will do all the speaking.

After all, an appearance can give you just an entry point, not the whole deal!


How to stop judging people?Β 


21 thoughts on “Appearances.. Yea right, they don’t matter!!

  1. This is a tricky question. I think we need to dress as per occassion to respect the occassion. I cannot go to war wearing a kurta – pyjama or three piece suit. Similarly, one should not go to funeral in a holiday attire. Our dress depicts the occassion and its seriousness. At the same time, I think if we are confident inside we can pull off any situation. In Bengali there is a saying, “you eat as per your own choice, and dress as per someone elses choice”.

    1. True Abhijit, I guess we need to have that flexibility and work things to our advantage. That way we have a choice and play it accordingly.. Left to its own, the world can be a pretty confusing place with a set of already confused people πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜€

      We have a similar one in my local language as well, Kannada which comes to mean almost the same – food your choice, view others choice.. I guess there might be a lot of similarities between the two languages and their cultural usages as well..

  2. yes well-pointed in d end. It can give u an entry point but not the whole deal. like in words of Shakespeare–All that glitters is not gold. But Appearances matters as first impression we make on other is physical appearance we can’t judge the conduct unless we talk. I found it amusing that u mention kurta & Jeans incident of yours here. Happens with my uncle. he wanted to come to 5 star hotel they wont let him in despite car etc reason his shirt was not tucked in lol …than he has to call for manager & than we all used to tell him please groom yourself like a businessman. it happens branding of minds & images πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Ruchi :). I have always felt that, I mean I would love to look super handsome and have heads turning to look at me, but I would also think that there is something beyond that which makes someone carry themselves, the gait, the knowledge, humility, integrity and so much more which is the true character of a person!

      He he :D, the Kurtas and the torn jeans have a lot of interesting stories I am sure :D. But this is pretty bad that they made your uncle tuck his shirt in and all. So much of an association with appearances and the false perceptions!

      1. Well-pointed facts Vinay–Character makes a Person, we used to learn & nowadays maybe kids r learning- Watch for looks ! jeans & kurtis from delhi haat etc was once my style too like serious journo look πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ …in d end all matters is choices we made & our deeds. reg my uncle, he was never stopped afterwards & he still don’t tucked-in his shirt while at eve stroll to business meeting there. keep reading & sharing thoughts.

        1. Thank you Ruchi :). So true, the generations seem to have changed from the usual lovely Dhotis to the Arrow Shirts and the Raymond pants or what not brands! He he brilliant! I have always been a fan of the Kurtas, brilliant clothes, fit perfectly for the summer and make a damn good fashion sense. πŸ™‚

          You said it Ruchi, in the end all that matters is our choices and our deeds :).. He he hats off to your uncle, pretty impressive man! πŸ™‚

          1. Yeah that’s Y I totally adore him as he is not at all worried for society branding despite being managing Event management company πŸ˜€ shall write few antidotes on him, I guess.Kurtis r trending in fashion always. Keep writing & reading.

          2. Brilliant! That’ll be pretty cool.. I’m already sold on the idea and quite eager to see those posts about him :). As for the fashion sense , im completely a blind man digging in a good mine πŸ˜‰ I keep saying everything I find comfortable as fashion sense πŸ˜›

  3. Lovely post !!

    OH yes! certainly looks matter…I was once a a ‘Jassi’ with dental wire and I was fat and I was sort of ugly, a fierce handball player so I was fully tanned too (in India Fairness matters). Then one day someone knocked hard on my head and said ” Yaar Chokhte ki bahut value hoti hai! Ye kya haal bana rakha hai. Ek baar khud ko dekh tou sahi” and then i went to a full sized mirror, the only one in my home, in my mom’s bedroom( usually I was getting ready always using a small mirror over the washbasin). In this full length mirror I hated what I saw. I looked horrible! I was the girl who could give below average looking girls a glamour-full feeling and a feeling that they were way more pretty than they think. After that day started an era of make-over-me. I worked on everything. God gave me beautiful hair and a beautiful heart, these two things helped me a lot… and then I changed entirely the way I looked. I do get many favors because of my looks now, sure its a good launch pad (introduction time). But if I look back I had more genuine friends when I was fat and ugly. Not sure if I wanna go back to it though.

    1. Thank you Jyoti, I like reading your comments. A nice story flow and a lot of value add :).

      Ha ha, Jassi?! I remember that serial or atleast the trailers. Thank you for sharing the story, I would love to make a post if you want to contribute the story as to how you did the entire shift, the emotional challenges you went through and finally how you made it happen. I shall send a questionnaire and it would be beautiful to hear from you (if you don’t mind that is :)) and I would love to put it up as a guest post.. Do lemme know πŸ™‚

  4. In Hindi, it is a saying “jo dikhta hai wo bikta hai”. The whole marketing concept is based on the above quote. Here in this world to value your presence you need to sell yourself. Here appearance works as a savior. The more you will market yourself the more you will earn profit. This profit could be anything – relations, friends, jobs, recognition, glamour and such like. Everyone looks for a good person as a companion, friend, partner, colleague, and relatives however by default we search them most of the time in good appearance and hence the inner beauty of one person is often ignored. This world is a win-win game for those who are beautiful with inner and outer soul both.
    Nice read Vinay, liked the post…. πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Priyanka πŸ™‚ .. I like the conclusion in the end – a win win for the inner and outer bit. Reminds me of the thoughts from vivekananda . I think he was one saint who did give a lot of importance to the complete existence as well πŸ™‚

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