Anger Management: What Do We Do?
Grrrrrrr!!! Well! That is something which I am sure we have all said at some point in our lives. Especially when there are so many things to make us angry, right from the time of a blackout, or an untimely rain or a severe heat wave or what not. And most usually it is a conversation or a little spat or so many other things. I wonder how easy it is to make someone angry!
But how do we control this anger? Is it something we can use to our advantage and make the best out of it?
The way I see it, anger is a lot of energy. I have realized that I run faster when I am angry, I focus better and I also feel like punching someone in the nose. Point is, it still is a great amount of energy. What if we find a way to use it to benefit us instead of harming our emotions and burning us inside?
Do you think I am making sense here? Well, if you said yes, then I guess the techniques below can help bring out a few more..
You are angry? Cool!
I am not going to say that you should never get angry. Heck you should get angry! It is still a better emotion than loneliness or rejection or disappointment.
Let us not deny this anger. In the normal parlance of emotions, it has its own place and contrary to most thoughts, it is something which we need not avoid/control completely.
It can be something which we can respect and even embrace for that matter.
What made you angry?
Is it because of something someone said? Is it because of how it made you feel?
I think most times it is because of how an event or a situation made us feel and some times it is about how a person made you feel. But if it is the person, is it actually the person or his behaviour which made you feel that way?
Most times we naturally associate the behaviour of a person to the person and label the person as irksome or bad. What if we keep the two separate. We still like the person for who they are, it is just that there is one attribute of them which we do not appreciate.
Well people are not perfect, heck they are great cos they are not perfect. If it is just that behaviour, let us be angry at the behavior and not the person.
Well! We have established anger, what to do now?
True, we have talked about anger and also about what it means. But we still haven’t found a way to handle it yet. We are still angry and the emotions are burning inside. How do we tackle this?
– Well the direct way is to shout at the person who made you angry, to tell them exactly why you felt that way and tell them how lame they are. This will lead to either an argument or to the other person feeling bad.
This will directly lead you to try calming them or quarelling with them or leading to a much bigger argument. Few days ago we talked about – How to handle an argument with an idiot, maybe we can use some pointers from that!
– An indirect approach. Be a little bigger and try and understand what is going on in their mind and why exactly they said that. Are they reacting to you or are they reacting to a problem which they have in their life?
Remember that 90% of the time people respond to their own problems and not to you directly. So, take it with a pinch of salt.
Lead with Sympathy! or Curiosity!
If the other person pissed you off, instead of thinking how it made you feel, for a moment think about why he or she said something like that.What might be going on in their mind to vent their emotions on you.
The moment you feel a little curious or a little sympathetic, you can look at solving the problem and not the symptom.
But I am still angry!
Fair point! You are still angry and it is hard to be curious or sympathetic at this exact moment. What do you do? Like we talked about, anger is a sudden surge of energy. It needs an outlet. Find the most constructive one.
– Agreed that shouting is a good way, but it might backfire at you
– Grab your shoes and go for a run. Here are 7 reasons why you should run when you are angry!
– Most people tend to stress eating or angry eating and I certainly don’t recommend that
– How about writing an angry letter? – 10 reasons to write an angry letter!
– How about punching a bag or do something physical which makes you sweat, releases those carbs, this way you are on a good road to getting fit!
Let the thoughts settle down!
The only reason why we suggest the above is that anger is an emotion when we have a lot of unsettled thoughts and doubts and we have not processed the actual meaning of an event or an occurrence.
Well it doesn’t really give you the right to shout at someone in such a stage does it? Let these thoughts settle down, let them tell you what they are trying to tell you.
Let them find a good way to communicate with you before you communicate with someone.
But why should I suffer?
Now that is a good question. I agree that you didn’t make any mistake. It was all someone else’s fault. And it is not totally fair that you are suffering because of it.
But this is not an ideal world and you are faced with realities no matter how much you detest them. It is in how you handle them which is going to talk about you and your character.
And who asked you to suffer? Don’t you remember – Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional!
Then get busy!
If you think you are suffering because of that anger, you need to distract yourself. You have so many things that you love. Get involved in them.
Get really busy and occupied. Forget this matter at hand for the moment, it will come back to you.
And if you ask me how to forget something, well this is the way, get into action. There is a lot more in action than in mere thoughts.
After you have done all these, think of what the situation is trying to tell you!
There is something which happened and you didn’t like it. That was all the outcome of it. But what is it that you didn’t like in it? Do you think it makes sense to call that person and talk about it?
Does it make sense to make him or her understand what exactly in that occurrence made you feel bad. Does it make sense to tell them how you felt when they said something like that?
It is not that they did something because they are insensitive. I am sure they had a valid reason and most times the reason is that they didn’t know it would hurt you.
No one is that cruel to do something just to hurt you. And if it is a cruel person, I am sure you would not be that angry. It is easier to avoid the idiots isn’t it?
If you are still angry!
Tell the person that you are angry. If they are someone who really matter to you, they will find a way to calm you down, they will find a way to explain the situation to you.
Sometimes you need not assume anything about it at all. The dear ones will be there to help you out.
Do I do all of these?
Well! Of course not! I am a human and an absolutely imperfect one. But I do try to do a few of these which makes me feel better and helps me get out of the situation faster.
It is not a perfect world, I do angry but I do take pride in saying that I don’t anger at ease. It is not a perfect science, we all go wrong and then wrong again and then wrong again only to realize that there is a beauty in not repeating the mistakes and that makes a hell of a difference 🙂