How to be friends with someone you hate?
That sounds a bit absurd doesn’t it? Being friends with someone you hate?
The first question you would have in mind would be – WHY? I mean why on earth would someone want to be friends with someone they hate. Well a couple of answers can be
– The benefit that friendship entails
– A sense of satisfaction of being a nice person and a fulfilment that you can be friends with your enemies too.
– A moral sense of accomplishment that you are a better person.
Well, there can be a few more reasons, but let us stick with these for now. I am sure there are more reasons for you to hate them or else it would have never come to this.
Here are 9 Effective Tips To Make Friends With Someone You Hate
1) Why do you hate them?
What is the reason for your hate? What makes you hate them so much?
– Do they get to your nerves?
– Are they always rude to you?
– Are they trying to prove they are better than you?
– Are they making fun of you?
Like I said so many reasons to hate someone
2) What are the advantages?
Well, basic economics states that for every transaction there is an exchange involved. What is the exchange you get when you hate someone? How do you feel when you hate someone?
What are the thoughts that go through your mind when you hate someone? What are the emotions your mind processes?
At any point of your imagination, is this hatred making you smile? If you are a simple person like me, then you would possibly imagine bad outcomes to the person you hate and that might make you smile a bit. But that is the end of it. What other advantages do you have if you hate someone?
3) The economy of hate.
In the previous point, we established that as far as economics goes hate leads you to a bit of a loss. Well, that’s pure economics. We all know the human behavior is different don’t we.
Let’s talk emotions. But turns out that the emotions you have when you hate someone are of a frown, irritation, ploys to get back at them and so on. So, emotionally also, this hate is not going to lead you somewhere good.
Is there a better option?
4) How about negligence?
I do not want to sound saintly and say that I want to be friends with everyone. I do not want to push philosophy down your throat. I am just a simple man talking about the simple economics of emotion.
What are the advantages of not hating someone. I am not saying love, I am limiting myself to no hate. The attitude can as well be of complete indifference
– You are not rattled by their presence
– They don’t agitate your emotions and you maintain your own calm demeanour, as though they are not there at all.
– You are more focused on the work at hand than the person you hate.
– You do not care what their mistakes are, you may even end up admiring something about them.
We have a better word for that – Neglect!
This again leads back to our first question – can we be friends with someone we hate?
Well, if it is someone you meet on a regular basis and someone you don’t really like. There is nothing wrong in feeling like that about someone. But there is very little you can gain by making an enemy out of them.
I am not suggesting that you should be a bit manipulative. I am just saying that you don’t have to pretend that you are friends with them. They can be just an acquaintance and be ok with it. And if you dislike something about them – find a way to avoid those parts of them.
6) Hate the sin, not the sinner.
It is a pretty simple philosophy – when someone does something bad, it doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person. They are just a person in the situation and you would have to take that into consideration.
If there is something you don’t like about what they have done, then talk to them about it. Don’t respond to the pent up feelings against them. Relieve yourself of those, set yourself free. Have a drink or two. Your memory is your choice, you can choose to remember whatever you like about them and retain the relationship at that level. You don’t have to be best buds with the one you don’t like.
You need not be sworn enemies too.
7) Find something to appreciate
Since we already don’t like them, we are naturally tuned to find faults about them and if possible even make fun. But that is just making you a smaller person than anything else.
Try and treat this person neutrally. Forgive them for their past folly. Think that they were in a stupid phase of mind when they did that. Give them a leeway. Find something to appreciate them and tell them about it.
Making people happy is one of the greatest pleasures in life – not because you are a saint, but it just makes you happier.
8) Try and talk
If you know that something is bothering the two of you – have a conversation with them. All along focus on how you can improve the relationship with them. Explain to them your situation. They will be more than understanding.
And all along find ways and ask for ways as to how you can maintain a better relationship with them? Tell them that you value them and would like to know them better and get past a bitter experience. No one is going to deny you on that unless you have made a huge mess in their lives.
9) If none of these work
Then forget it! No one is worth breaking your head over something this small. There are far more people out there who deserve your attention. If you are spending all of it on someone you hate, you really wouldn’t have much for the ones you love.
You know your priorities, you know what matters – just focus on that. Nothing else matters that much!
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