For a long time, we have been rethinking about the goal and aim of this site, the difference we would like to create through this. Though it is a website focussed on self improvement, personality development, inspiration, motivation, quotes or anything we would like to call it, we would hate to be the ones sitting here to preach something and give it out as inspiration. We don’t want to believe in that and we don’t want to sound so cocky about inspiration as well. And that’s precisely why we are coming up with this new section on questions. Over the next few days you will find us just questioning and explaining why we ask these questions and goad you to do the same with yourselves. For we really care about the impact a post can create and a difference it can make if any.
And for the first post, we would like to take up this one topic which I personally like to talk about – the perception of failure or success.
I think we have all felt this. We have felt this when we miss out on an opportunity, when things don’t work the way we want them to, when we feel jealous of someone, when we feel incomplete and when we basically feel that we have not lived up to our potential. Irrespective of how successful we are, we all have felt like a failure at a certain point.
And here are the 9 questions you should or rather must ask yourself when you feel like a failure
What does it mean?
Forget why me. Forget cursing your luck, it is all the preliminary stages. We are very clear about this on this website, we want results and our mission is to find ways to get there and our mission is in an action towards that. So, think again about this failure – what does it really mean?
And NO! It doesn’t mean you are a failure, it doesn’t mean you are incapable.
It just means that some things did not work for you.
Ask yourself – What does it actually mean? What does it need more from you.
- Does it mean you have to change your approach?
- Does it mean that you have to change your peer group?
- Does it mean that you have to change the books you read?
- Does it mean that you have to talk to your friends differently?
- Or Does it mean that you have to change your goal?
What does it actually mean?
2) What else can it mean?
This is one question people don’t ask very often. I understand that we are very simple people and like to feel that we can find an answer soon. But there are a lot of undertones in life and each emotion is merely a call for action. So what else can this failure mean to you?
Forget the traditional answers, forget the moral answers.
But what else can it actually mean to you?
- Does it mean that it gives you more time to reevaluate your life?
Does it mean that you get to meet more people?
- Does it mean that you can be more adventurous, now that you have less to lose?
- Does it mean that you can set yourself free from the constraints of your previous self and look at a larger view of life?
What else can it actually mean to you?
3) How Can I Use This?
Honestly, I am an entrepreneur, I have had the opportunity of finding challenges in everything that seems and appears simple. And I am not saying this to add a sense of achievement or high handedness to what I am going to say next. But when you are forced with limited resources, the best creativity comes out. And the creativity has always been the answer to this one question – How can I use this?
I promise you that you won’t find an immediate answer to this. But the mindset it creates will be amazing. The way you look at things changes remarkably. It fills you with a sense of excitement, as if you are playing a game and there are multiple ways to reach the end goal and you have an endless supply of lives.
But seriously we all feel bad when we feel like a failure. But isn’t this the human law, everything that happens is an outcome and it can very well be an opportunity. I don’t want to sound idealistic but what if it was and we were clouded in the sadness and depression?
Imagine what happens if you constantly ask this. Ask this right now, how does it make you feel? Does it get you closer to a solution? Does it get you closer to action?
Feeling bad is natural, everyone does that. What most people don’t do is be a little smart about it and we ask, WHY NOT?
4) Are you the only one?
The moment we hit a failure reef, the mind goes into a weak state. We constantly search for people who can sympathise or empathise with us depending on the magnitude and gravity of our failures. And then we want to feel accepted. And that doesn’t really happen easily with happy people, we can feel them condescending even without their knowledge and the worst part is that we would pretend a smile and hope that their lecture is going to get over soon.
And naturally enough, we don’t want to feel disturbed, so we look at people living at a similar standard of life if not poorer. It makes us feel a little better about ourselves. It makes us feel a little more connected.
But then, disturbance has great power, it makes you want to get the hell out of it. The solution is not in feeling better, but finding the work around!
Sometimes it is ok to feel like crap if that means that you are going to make a difference to your life. Stop finding someone who you can share your woes with. There are people who have faced bigger struggles, don’t feel sorry for yourself, avoid the ones who feel sorry for you. Get out there, be disturbed, tell yourself that people have gone through bigger troubles and made it awesome in life and I am going to be one of them. I am not going to be sucked into the pit of sadness!
5) My Life, My Rules?
What is more important – your life or pleasing someone else in the society?
They are not going to come to your rescue or they are not going to lend you any money when you are in a deep pit. It is your problem, you solve it. Simple as that.
I may sound rude and I may sound insensitive. Maybe so, but on a quest for results I am entitled to be a bit annoying. I never promised you that I was going to please you in this post, but I did promise that we are trying to find solutions and that we shall do!
6) What Will Others Feel?
To be brutally honest, no one gives a rats ass! Or maybe they do, but they can’t do much about it. It is your life, your results, your outcomes and we can hope that someone might support us but it is unreasonable for us to expect that they will understand. Only you hold the key to your problem and that is that of that!
It doesn’t matter what others feel. And sometimes it doesn’t matter if you feel that you let others down. It is important whether you let yourself down. It is a problem, fix it, don’t feel bad about it. It simply wastes your time and nothing good comes out of it.
7) What The Bloody F is This Failure Anyway?
What the bloody F is this failure anyway.
Failure is a very personal thing and so is success. If you let yourself down in your standards, if you let yourself down in your aspirations, if you let yourself down in humanity then yes it is a failure. But you got to define what is failure for you.
You got to define what it really means to you. Only you have to do that!
8) Do I get only one chance?
Now that is a good question. Look at all the previous failures in your life. Look at how you have converted them into successes, look at how you have shaped your life beyond that. Did you get only one chance at something in life?
A failure very rarely happens because of one simple mistake. Stop being a perfectioist!
Things are bound to go wrong. It is like the law of life and it is ok. You got to come in terms with that. You are going to mess up in something or the other. You are going to screw up royally.
SO WHAT? You will always get a chance at reparation. You will always get a chance at redemption.
Don’t lead this one shot life, if there is a mistake, go out and fix it, that’s all! You do get a second chance
9) What can I do right now to make me feel better?
This is a very very important question. What can you do right now to make you feel better. Getting distracted is one thing, but what is that one action, a very small one which can take you in the right direction. If you have failed in a subject then maybe making a study plan can be a start. If you have hurt someone terribly, buying a card and telling them how much you love them can be an action.
And you may not get immediate results from them and you rarely do. But it does put you in motion. Tell someone what you are going to do. Create enough follow up mechanisms. But DO SOMETHING! That is the only thing that is going to get you out of this!
Well, these are our 9 questions today and we sincerely hope this is of some help. Please do let us know your thoughts/challenges/questions/suggestions and we certainly would love them.
Do join us for more such updates,