7 Simple Ways To Make People Like You
Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to your. And stay.
There are a few things which have baffled me in life. I come from a very reserved mindset, or probably that was what I thought. But then I realized that there were a lot more important things in life than just the books and degrees and a job.
It was the people and I really wanted to be a people person. I sometimes even doubted if I was an introvert and then I figured, maybe I was but it was time that I came out of that closet cos it felt like something I would really enjoy.
And it sure has been a great delight doing that and I have reached a place where I can really be proud of where I stand today and kinda my entire profession which depends on these people skills 🙂
There were a lot of mistakes and some right things in the process, we thought why not make a post on it. And here goes the quote which inspired this post and in a way defined the course of actions for your people skills.
1) Why do you want people to like you?
I had always imagined myself in a place where I could be at the center stage, laughing with people and be involved in a passionate conversation. Although I was an introvert, I found great joy in being with people. I never knew what I should speak, but all I would do is smile and try to fit in.
I tried it quite a few times and I did manage to be a part of different groups, but later I realized that I was a silent spectator. I would just look at everyone and smile, never knew what to speak cos I was afraid of being wrong and the others never knew what to talk about with me cos I hardly had opened myself up to the gang.
But I still wanted people to like me, really know me and connect with me cos one of my strongest values was people and I could really feel it. I wanted them to like me cos that would be the time when I actually get to know the real person.
But the biggest challenge was to identify how.
2) How do I make them like me?
I was in a group, I managed to put myself in a place where there were many people. But none of them seemed to know me at all and I didn’t know the others. But I really wanted that to happen and the next step was to try and identify how. It was really difficult and everything seemed very new to me.
But I was clear, I wanted people to like me.
I read books, video tapes, audios and even went through a thorough introspection to understand what I should do to make someone else like me.
I tried imitating people, tried being funny, knowledgeable, read some amazing books. At a certain point, I felt that I was doing everything that the books said, but was failing miserably. I could not make that happen in real life!
3) It was not me.
Well, I had reached a part success here. Since I never opposed anyone in the group and always smiled, no one really hated me.
But the truth is – no one really cared either or it seemed so. I felt like a curious silent guy in a group failing to understand how to get life on track and it seemed so hard.
At one point I realized, even though I had a feeling that people might have actually started liking me, there was nothing true about me which was on display. They just liked what they saw and they never saw who I really was which made it all the more difficult.
The next question was, how do you be yourself and yet make people like you?!
The answer was in empathy! All along my life, I thought communication was talking to people. All the cultural tuning, the speeches I had watched, the people I had looked up to had something in common, they talked so well on the stage. And I thought that was communication.
But communication is a lot more than that isn’t it? It was that point when I realized how much it means to know the person you are talking to. The importance of identifying a common ground while interacting with someone and trying to be there for them.
In other words, the answer was in empathy, trying to understand what someone was going through and offer a solution if possible. If not atleast try to understand what they are going through and listen. Few days ago, I wrote a post on how to show empathy which can perhaps help bring in a little perspective.
5) Others had problems too.
Perhaps one of the best realizations was the moment I realized that the others had challenges too when it came to communication skills. I am not talking about people who were labeled introverts, I am talking about the great extroverts too. They too seemed to have trouble communicating with people.
It was then when I started feeling that it was a little normal to be a social outcast and all you had to do is work towards it and not take it too seriously. You are bound to make a few mistakes. It is like learning a new language. There is no way you are going to ace it in the first go.
6) I wanted to be comfortable.
I realized that in order to sort this challenge out, I needed to find a comfort zone in this uncomfortable zone.
It was not simple and not at all easy. But it sure was worth it. I hung out in those places where I felt a little uncomfortable cos I felt I was training myself with tolerance. I reduced the expectation of perfection a little which made life seem a little normal.
Above all, I just wanted to be in a place where I could be myself and I wanted that to happen all the time. And somewhere down the line, that happened. And when it happened for the first time, it was sheer magic to say the least and it felt absolutely beautiful.
The next challenge was to find consistency in that. And that perhaps defines the whole struggle from then on.
You can only build from one success to another. A failure gives you wonderful lessons, but it is the small successes which take you to the bigger ones and these need to be celebrated.
7) Don’t chase people!
Don’t ever chase them! The initial few days, I thought people were incredibly hard to find and I felt that I should do all it takes to please them. But then with time I realized something else. It doesn’t need all of that. Sometimes it is not even seen with the respect it deserves and some other times it really seems like stalking :D
There came the answer – It is not about what you get, it is about who you are and who you become. And that is perhaps the elixir!
The answer was right there. The moment you start focusing inward and looking at what you can improve, life can certainly change its outlook towards you and vice versa.
I am not saying that all of what I did was right. Heck! Most of what I did was wrong, but that doesn’t mean that it didn’t take me to the goal I initially had.
I think these mistakes were incredibly important to take you there. Before realizing that I should be all original, I saw what it feels like being a fake and it sucked big time.
There is a lot of difference between knowing something and realizing something and this one truth is surely true
“Don’t chase people!”
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