6 Things To Do When People Talk Behind Your Back – Social Skills, Making Friends, Communication Skills

Author: Preethi AnanthaNarasimhan

When People Talk Behind Your Back

Well no matter how great we are, there is always someone who is not satisfied with it and there is always someone pointing fingers at you. Here are 6 simple things to do when people talk behind your back

1) Why are they doing it? 

It’s not rare that we find ourselves cornered in life. Be it in school, college, family or work place. It’s not the easiest of things to deal with when the ones you trusted are bitching about you behind your back. And the worst part of it all is you hardly ever know the reasonIt could all be a huge misunderstanding or a misinterpretation of what you said or did. And sometimes simply because your actions hurt somebody without your knowledge.

2) What others think of you is none of your business! 

If it is just somebody in your friends circle or family or at work place you are not too close to, here is a quote I read a while ago: “what others think of you is none of your business”. It’s best to ignore them and carry on with life. Try not to get affected by it. Block it out of you mind and stay calm and say it’s not your business and laugh it off.

3) If it is someone who matters to you

If it is somebody that matters to you, nothing better than sorting out with them. Talk it out! It works most of the times between close friends and family! Remember, be prepared to hear unpleasant things. Coz, yes, they’re pissed off for some reason. They’ll throw muck at you. Just stay calm and take it. Tolerate!

4) Give it some time

Hear what they have to say. And give it some time, think before you tell them how you feel. See if it was reasonable for them to have done what they did. If they were right and you were insensitive, accept it and apologize. There’s nothing shameful in accepting a mistake. It won’t make you a smaller person. If things work out, you’ll end up feeling like a bigger person when things are sorted out.

5) Tell them how it made you feel

Let them know how it made you feel as patiently as you can. It’s very natural to get emotional when you’re talking with somebody so close to you about something that’s so personal. Prepare, if necessary rehearse what you are going to say to them before you go and talk to them. That way you can make sure you emotions don’t affect your conversation. You gotta think straight :). You screw it up here, it might never be the same again.

6) Before All this – Ask yourself – Is it really worth it? 

It’s got to make sense now! If it doesn’t, it’s not worth fighting with such people. It’s not easy to just let somebody put you down. Don’t take it if you think the person is not worth it. But you won’t know who is worth it and who isn’t until you try.

So try talking it out with them and if doesn’t work out, remember the first rule, you don’t have to waste your time and energy thinking about what worthless people think about you! But trying to sort it will save you from regretting it later. You’ll have the satisfaction that you did your bit to clear the problem.

And you’ll definitely feel like a bigger person for having tried to clear things. 🙂

These are our top tips too handle people when they talk behind your back. More such articles can be found here – click to open.

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  1. Nice post Vinay. I like the last one in particular, ‘Is is Worth it?’ Exactly, we gotta think before we react. Afterall it is our own energy we gonna lose. Good one!

    • Thank you Gowthama. Good to see you again :). I guess it all comes to that question right – the productivity of an action. Esp when we are investing so much of energy in talking to someone, we need to understand whether they will receive it or not. I would rather sit home and watch TV instead of trying to convince someone who is not even ready to listen..

  2. Nice post Vinay. You cannot stop others from talking behind your back. Take it as an indicator of your success. No matter what you do, some people enjoy doing that. That is a spice of life.

    • Thank you Abhijit :). True that, people will always be and do what they want to do. Sometimes the more they know we are irritated, the more they do it – maybe it does give a sense of pleasure in doing something which is forbidden! The spice of life sure gets annoying sometimes though 🙂

    • Thank you Arun :).. I guess each one of these ideas take the stage in their own ways. The last one certainly is the climax and I guess it gives the most effect 🙂

    • Thank you Sweety :).. He he, well words have a way of traveling around. The grape wine is way stronger than the ears at the back of our heads. Some way or the other we get to know – or else there wouldn’t be any gossips at all 🙂

  3. Very thoughtful.Laughing it off and ignoring is the hardest thing when people talk behind our backs :/. I love it how you simplify and explain everything step by step , i like the part where you explained why we should tolerate and understand the reason for the talking done by the people we care for 🙂 Look forward for more such thoughtful posts and I am definitely going to read all the blogposts I missed reading on inspire99 during my 15 day no social media interaction period 😀

    • Thank you Najm. Great to see you here. I was missing your thoughts on the posts :). Thanks so much, I have started liking to write posts in this format and it somehow seems to find the right chord with our friends here at inspire99 and also the motto we try to believe in – simplifying thoughts :).

      I think those are the only ones who matter, the ones we care about cos that is the one place where we have to be as delicate as possible. It is very easy to tell a stranger if they were rude or wrong, but when it comes to the close ones, nothing ever seems easy.

      He he welcome back on the social media. It will be lovely to connect more with you 🙂

  4. That’s a very mature attitude to look at life Indrani. Time I believe is the most precious thing in the world and the more care we take about it, the better we become at handling things in life 🙂