We all know how important the first dates are, the enthusiasm about knowing someone, the jitters about how they are going to receive you, the fears as to what this is going to lead to and so much more. We may not be able to control everything that happens on a date, we are after all talking about chemistry here and of course the other person and how they receive it will be equally if not more important.
If you are a guy, here are top ten things you should not do on your first date!
Well this is what everyone tells you
– Dress appropriately, dress well so that she knows you have taken the effort for her and also don’t overdress so that it is not obvious that you are trying to impress her.
– Select an appropriate place depending on the amount of camaraderie you have, a nice decent place where you can get to know each other better. Not particularly a night club, but something nice and quite, a place with character
– Be on Time, it is a very annoying feeling to wait, especially when you are on a date. If possible, pick her up, that is way better than showing up late in a restaurant
Well I am sure there is a lot of material talking about your appearance and other stuff, but let us talk about one thing we are good at here, the way we take it ahead. I am sure everyone of you knows the other stuff better. We talk about what is more important here, a conversation, a friendship and of course the next stage as you know.
YOU ARE HERE TO KNOW YOURSELVES BETTER
Know the purpose of your date. What is the reason you are meeting this person for, what about her makes it special for you? Don’t tell me that she is attractive or beautiful, that can be one of the reasons, what is that specific reason?
You should not be objectifying a woman on a date, it is more about a personal conversation than anything else.
KEEP TRYING TO IMPRESS HER!
I think there is a very wrong notion about trying to impress someone. I do agree that we all go overboard sometimes telling about ourselves and it is very natural that we brag. But again, know your audience, a subtle bragging can work very well, the lady has agreed to go out on a date with you which means that she is interested, you should not be trying too hard to impress her. It will happen on its own, don’t try and be a magician on the stage, that is not what the date is about. It is about the two of you, it is about having a good time, a nice pleasant conversation and the curiosity about knowing the other person and knowing yourselves better.
COMPARE YOUR DATE TO OTHERS
I agree that sometimes we would want to compare certain things, the way we talk, the way they look at you or many other things. But don’t make that a habit, it is ok to talk about a couple of such things, but if you keep doing it over and over again, it doesn’t really make much sense. And all comparison is quite good as long as it is a positive frame, but the moment it gets negative, it just brings out the wrong side of you. I am not saying you should pretend but I am saying that you should stop appearing and actually being a little caustic.
And talking about the things you should not talk about, please take care not to mention your ex’es or previous relationships, it is best to steer away from that for the first conversation, there are far more interesting things you can talk about this day!
TALKING ABOUT WHAT IS WRONG!
My friend, if you want to talk about something that is wrong with life or the day or the situation, I am sure it will take hours and days together. Forget about the problems of the world, I am not saying avoid them or ignore them, but talk about them if you can make a change, if not, if you are looking at just complaining, you don’t need a date for that, you need a buddy to take you out on a drink!
LISTING ALL OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS
Well! That is something which happens inadvertently sometimes, we all love the stuff we have done in our lives and we all are very proud of them. But you are not sitting for a job interview here, your sole purpose is knowing the other person better and letting the other person know you better. You don’t need to try and impress them over and over again, a date is a simple thing, this one feeling that you should sweep the lady off her feet would be quite a self defeating purpose.
CHECKING YOUR PHONE VERY OFTEN!
Even if you don’t mean it, when you check your phone very often, it just means that you are not very interested in the conversation and you are trying to avoid it. Forget a girl getting angry, even I would be very pissed if I am talking to someone and they keep looking at their phone. Here is an article on phone etiquette which might help.
When you are on the date, the most important thing for you is the date. Set your priorities right, people are ok for an emergency call or a text but it is not ok to keep chatting with someone ignoring a very special person sitting right in front of you.
TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE AND CHILDRENWell you are on the first date my friend, there is a lot of time for everything else. You don’t want to pressurize your date with all this. The moment you say marriage or children the first thing that comes to anyone’s mind is a whole load of pressure. You are here for a great time and a wonderful conversation, just focus on that. Rest of the things can wait.
KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS
You are not here to win a quiz competition. Knowing about the other person doesn’t mean that you are going to bombard them with questions one after the other. Although they might smile and respond to it, it still is a very annoying feeling to do nothing else but keep answering questions. Let the conversation take its own course. Let it be natural, don’t push yourself too hard.
I agree that people like it when you pay attention to them, listen to them and respond accordingly, but there is a slight trick to pretense. The moment it is not real, it has a tell, you can spot it right away. If you are not interested on a topic or if it is making you feel uncomfortable, then feel free to change the topic subtly. You don’t have to pretend to like it or fake attention to it. You will get caught and the consequences will be bad!
DRINKING TOO MUCH
Well it is called wine and dine, a glass or two is classy and it is nice. But getting drunk is not. It just sends out a wrong message to your counterpart, the date is not about food or wine or even the environment, it is about the person and that is what it should be about. Everything else is secondary.
THE BASICS AGAIN
Well these are a few other things people will tell you, don’t flirt too much, don’t cling on to them desperately, don’t be too afraid, show your confidence, etc etc. I am sure all you guys are very good at that.
The only thing I would like to say is – BE GRACEFUL and that will take care of the rest